WTH

I've been avoiding the computer the last few years I guess.  The rare time I have a few moments alone with my thoughts, the idea of sitting down at a computer sounds miserable.

The bummer is that this also means I haven't been able to keep up on reading some of my favorite blogs out there.  That makes me super sad.  One day when I get ahead I'll sit down and catch up on ya'll.

I guess I'm updating more for my own benefit, since this is the first blog I ever had I'd like to keep it going, even though entire years may go by without a single post.

What's up right now?

We're stilling living in Kansas.  I'm mostly happy about this, despite "issues" with my in-laws.

I'm still teaching writing classes at the community college. I still can't believe how low the pay is compared to when I taught in Minnesota over FIVE years ago.  Though when I see the value that Kansas places on education I'm not that surprised.  Some people are barely literate when they enter my class.  Sad and ridiculous.  How do they continue to be passed on from grade to grade?  Apparently it's worse in Missouri?

Maddie started kindergarten this year, so I keep a pretty close watch on her school stuff.  She's not going to be dumb like these Kansas kids. heheh.  I actually did consider homeschooling, but then I'd have to stop drinking.

Speaking of drinking, I did have to stop anyway because we found out we are having TWINS in a few months.  No shit.  I'm 5.5 months pregnant with two babies inside of me.  I'm praying with everything in me that they will be born by year's end.  I had shoulder surgery back in January because I tore a tendon weight lifting.  I have met nearly all of our insurance crap because of that.  If these babies are born before 11:59 pm on 12/31 we will pay almost nothing out of pocket.  Plus we will get the benefit of TWO tax deductions.

That said, how shit allllways goes is that they will be born at 12:02 a.m. and that'll be that.  I found out last week that they are both girls.  I'm so afraid I won't be able to tell them apart.  I'm considering tattoos on the bottom of their feet.

Lastly, we close on a house this Friday.  Our apartment has never seemed so small.  Going from a two bedroom apartment to a five bedroom house is nearly impossible for me to wrap my head around.

Isn't it lovely?  It was worth waiting for all these years.  I'm glad to be moving in while I can still moderately function physically.  Being 35 and pregnant with twins has given me a run for my money.  When I was pregnant with Maddie I worked full-time but was not active at all.  I also weighed about 75 pounds more than I did at the start of this pregnancy, plus gained over 30 more. Ugh.  I'm terrified I'll end up on bed rest or something awful.  But this is why I'm glad we are getting moved in and stuff now.

People have been encouraging me to start a pregnancy blog.  If I do get around to that I'll get the link over here too.  I'm not really sure why anyone would want to keep up to date on that, but I guess my mom and sisters might care.  I know I've been trying to find a quality blog on twin pregnancy and keep coming up empty handed.  Mine should be the first I guess.

Ok, I did go create that blog.

http://twiceasnicemyass.blogspot.com/

Hope to see you there!

I don't even know where the last year has gone, folks!  So much is new, yet not really at all.
I started teaching again this fall at a local community college.  It's population is enormous compared to where I went to school, but I love it so much.  It has allowed me to remember that I'm more than a wife and mama; don't get me wrong, those are great things!  I think I was losing who I was and what I wanted in the day to day family business.
We are starting our third year of living in Kansas and my daughter just turned four years old this month.  For the last year, Justin and I have been tossing around the idea of having another baby, and even "tried" for a while, but still aren't sure that we want another child.  It was a huge change of heart for us to even agree to have one, so not being able to get on the same page about another isn't really too shocking to either of us.  I'd say that I'm mostly the one holding back in this area.  It's for somewhat selfish reasons, to be perfectly honest.  But that's between Justin and I, so I'll stop there!
We just had some new family pictures taken this fall and I'd love to share one of my favorites with you.  Take a moment to let me know how you are doing!  Find me on Twitter or Facebook and drop a line.

It has officially been 452 years since I have written a post here. I've done a little more updating on my other blog (barely).

We're on the tail end of potty-training the kid. Or so I thought. She pooped her pantsies (what she calls 'em) at the beauty shop today, which was unexpected considering she had to go potty THREE times in the hour we were there. Apparently knowing when she has to go #2 isn't quite mastered yet. It's all so dang disgusting to me. I have often wondered where my motherly-instinct disappeared to during this toilet business.

It takes every ounce of whatever the heck to be encouraging and excited when I am washing turd residue out of Disney Princess panties that I can barely fit my hand into. So I sometimes just throw them in the trash. Like today at the beauty shop.

Seriously though, that's really about all I have to complain about. We are beyond blessed and I wake up every day and can't believe how much I love my life. I feel guilty sometimes that I can't stop smiling and am filled with deep down joy. JOY. Certainly it's based on more the just circumstances. My heart also aches for those I love that are struggling with tragedy and unfortunate circumstances. It seems like cancer is striking everywhere and leaving pain and devastation in its wake. The challenge is to know what to do and say to care for those who are hurting. I think focusing on the doing more than the saying is best.

Laughter is the best medicine really. We love to laugh and that has seen us through some rather dark moments. If you're in need of a chuckle, take a gander over here. I stumbled upon this blog a couple winters ago when I had pneumonia. I was googling "never-ending cough" or something like that and found it in the results. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Happy Friday to ya'll!

Maddie woke up yesterday terrified to get out of her bed because she thought there were clowns hiding in her window blinds that would get her. I carried her around to show her there was nothing hiding and she seemed ok. A little while later we were getting ready to leave for a play date and I told her to get her shoes on. She wouldn't budge from the couch. Again, she said the clowns were going to come out from the blinds and get her. I shared a verse from the Bible with her that helped me earlier in the day, to call on the name of the Lord and be safe. She didn't seem convinced. So I told her if she is ever scared she can just say, "Jesus, protect me!" and He will keep her safe.

She yelled, "Jesus, protect me!" and jumped down, ran to grab her shoes, and sprinted back to the couch, ultimately covering her eyes with her hands and asking if the clowns came out.

Last night, Justin took Maddie around our home and along with Maddie rebuked the clowns and commanded them to leave and said only God would remain with us.

It's all sort of amusing and sad at the same time. She has such a tender heart and I love that about her. However, she is afraid of so much. How do I truly speak God's security and safety into her?

God Loves Me Enough To Give Me A Nice Sweater!

This weekend I attended an Extraordinary Women's Conference in Raytown.  During one of Saturday's sessions, the speaker said, "Turn to the woman next to you and say 'Do you know how much God loves you?!'"
So, I turned to the stranger at my left, smiled, and said, "Do you know how much God loves you?"
To which she smiled and said to me, "You have a nice sweater."

Huh.  How 'bout that!

Sippy Cup: Weapon of Mass Destruction

Husband and I don't fight all that often.  Not that we have a perfect relationship or never disagree, but for the most part we get along pretty well.  The thing is that when we do fight, it can get pretty hot, and not in a good way.

Mostly I need to think about things and process them before hashing out a disagreement.  Justin wants to lay all the cards on the table and get stuff taken care of and be better--NOW.  This often leads to an exchange of words, me trying to walk away or just quietly stew or on this particularily crazy day--throw a full sippy cup at Justin's torso.

What's ridiculous (more ridiculous than throwing a full sippy cup at my husband?) is that I don't even remember what we were really fighting about!  But I do remember Justin saying he was going to leave (no, not LEAVE LEAVE, just leave our apt), and I wanted to know where he was going.  He flung me a big pile of my silence and started walking to the door, so, I grabbed the first thing I saw: Maddie's freshly filled sippy cup.

As soon as I hurled it across the apartment, I regretted it.  Even more when it hit him and he looked at me in complete horror, before opening the door and walking out.

Yes, I am a toddler.  No, I am not proud of my behavior and have received forgiveness.

Do we laugh about it now? Getting there.

Maddie keeps walking around yelling, "be quiet!  I'm trying to make memories!"

I wish she'd take her own advice.

As a side, I'm starting a health-related, faith-related blog.

I'll still keep this one and maybe post a little more often here since I'll be dedicated to continuing the other.

It's a Monday in July and I don't have to work. Could life be any better?

i feel like i am in jail

Here's a link to Jesse and Becky's wedding montage!

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My brother got married to his soulmate last weekend. It was touching to see the way he looked at his bride as she walked down the aisle to meet him. Definite cause for reflection and amazement at seeing my "little brother" in this new way. It was a mix of emotions that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Happiness for sure, because of this new adventure in his life, but also a little sad that now he has a wife and maybe won't have much need or time for me. Ridiculous, I know. It's not like she just emerged out of water the day before the wedding.

They have been dating for a few years and living together as well. So clearly if we spoke on the phone a gjillion times a week before Saturday, we still will, right? It has been a challenge not texting or calling him while he is on his honeymoon. My brother is one of my best friends and I love it! We laugh at the most inappropriate things and assume that we will have the best seats to the punishment corner in hell for doing so.

Anyway, my husband, daughter, and I were asked to be in the wedding and unfortunately because of finances husband and I had to decline and participate in other ways. Madeline was still a flower girl and I have to say, if I went into business making adorable children, I'd be a friggen zillionaire! Check out this perfect piece of pediatric artwork and tell me you don't want one of your very own for a simple $50,000!

(Madeline is the beautifule blonde in the middle!)

It's all I can trust anymore:

Jesus, lover of my soul.
Jesus, I will never let You go.
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know.

I love You, I need You.
Though my world may fall,
I'll never let You go.
My Savior, my closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.

         

It is tough not having internet connection at home.  We moved to Kansas in November and are pretty much as poor as poor can get, without being homeless or bankrupt...yet. haha.

I love living here.  I have despised winter my entire life and this milder climate is more my speed.  It does wonders for my mood and motivation!  However, our income dropped by 2/3, so we have scaled wayyy back.  No cable, internet, movies, dining out, shopping, etc. etc...anything that costs money.  

It is humbling and has strengthened my faith in immeasurable ways.  I do, however, feel extremely disconnected from the real world.  Once in a great while I can get an internet connection from the neighbor, if I'm sitting on our bed with the laptop.  I mostly feel guilty for doing that, so I should keep this short!

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the important things in life!  I miss keeping up with all of you and look forward to being able to do so regularly when finances afford such luxuries!

Big hugz and whatnots from Kansas!

Justin phoned and said his orders have come through to fly out tomorrow for hurricane territory.  Louisina and Texas for approximately 3 weeks to assist in the handling of insurance claims.  Wild.  The best I ever got to do was go to St. Louis area after their shit storm hail and stuff 2 years ago.  CAT duty is right up his alley and his concern, of course, is leaving Madeline and I here to deal with our precarious living situation and possible move at the end of October.  Obviously he'll be back by then, but we aren't sure exactly what life will be like at that point.

I'm cool with whatever.  We have fantastic friends at our church and my parents are coming this weekend, I think.

Sooooooooo...I guess we'll see what the dealio.

What are ya'll up to these days?

My super creative mom-in-law is always using Madeline in her crafting projects for the library.  Here is the latest shot at making my daughter famous.

I'm watching Dee Long and Sarah Janececk duke it out over the McCain/Palin ticket.  Dee's definitely got the upper hand in this "conversation" and I love it!  

It baffles me to think that McCain thought he would attract Hillary voters by selecting  Palin as his vp.  They couldn't be at more opposite points of view on "the issues" that usually sway voters (abortion, sex education, gay marriages). I tend to agree with Long that Palin will attract rural & uneducated women who were only Hillary voters because of the fact that she was a woman and nothing else.  Long was also a hockey mom in her time and noted that it did not qualify her to be in public office.

Justin has had several "discussions" on his Facebook page with some people from church and it appears there is no such thing as a liberal Christian up here...or a liberal evangalist?  Why do people make me feel like I'm sacrificing my faith by supporting the DFL?