Here's a couple more. This is Justin. I took these of the two most beautiful women I know. I'm not biased, just proud.

This is a new picture of my daughter. She's two months old now! I knew I would love her, but I never dreamed I would like her as much as I do! She has the best personality. I think she takes after me...

I don't know where time goes. I hate it when people say that, but it's the truth.

Madeline is 7 weeks old tomorrow and I don't remember life without her. I had my 6 week follow-up appointment with the surgeon last Thursday before we left for Kansas and everything appears to be fine. I am back on the pill and absolutely terrified at the thought of getting pregnant again anytime soon.

I have a dream baby and am fortunate enough to be able to stay at home full-time so far (aside from cleaning for my uncle which doesn't really count). It's been a test of my ability to trust in every sense of the word and be reliant on someone else to provide for my and Maddie's well-being. I've always been used to taking care of everything and been accustomed to a certain lifestyle and that has been an enormous adjustment the last few weeks and I'm nowhere near comfortable with the situation.

Breastfeeding has been one of my favorite things about having a baby, maybe because it's one of the few tangible things I am solely providing for my daughter. I love the content sounds and expressions she makes after pulling her chubby little face away and then looks up at me to smile (or barf all over my thigh).

My relationship with Justin has probably taken the most stress in all of this baby arrival business. I don't think either of us were prepared for that and sometimes I don't know exactly what to do or what I feel/think about it all. Maybe if I journaled on it or something. I don't have any good friends to talk about the thoughts and feelings of the last few weeks and admit here to being extra lonely.
I joined MOMS Club in Shakopee but so far have been met with social retards who have sick and bratty kids. It makes me appreciate my life experience and education, but sometimes wish I could be so ignorant.

I thought by moving down here that I'd be able to spend more time talking and seeing my college friends; I think I saw them more when I lived up North. I put forth a lot of effort when we first got settled in and then realized it was a one-way street and that I was the one setting up dinners or lunch dates or making phone calls to chat and when I stopped doing it----nothing. I haven't really heard from anyone since. Maybe I AM the social retard and don't know it. Is that possible? I think the most disappointing were my friends Jessica and Rhiannon. The rest of my friends are male and while I'm frustrated with them, I really didn't expect much more from them. The girls--different story, especially during my pregnancy when I could have really used girl time. Justin got an e-mail the other day from Jessica asking if we had the baby and then mentioning that she and her husband are now pregnant and they want to get together. Fuck that. I know it's immature and childish of me to feel that way but I'm so sick of everyone being such assholes.

People are always too busy or lazy or whatever the excuse is.

My 5 minute warning on the library computer just popped up. My heavy boobs are also letting me know it's time to get home to feed the baby. My sister is visiting and was nice enough to let me out of my cage. Thanks Sarah!

I hope everyone is well and has a very safe and Happy New year!

Three weeks ago today I checked into the hospital and by this time of morning was being pumped full of pitocin and various other fluids. It was without a doubt the longest day of my life. About 16 hours from now Madeline will be 3 weeks old!

The time has flown by and other than being WAY bloated for about a week after surgery and stuff (I ended up having to deliver c-section--for another post) I have had a miracle recovery. I made myself get out of bed and walk around 4 hours after coming out of post-op. I hate hospitals and even more dislike being hooked up to monitors and tubes and crap.

I've been walking since the day after we got home from the hospital and attending Stretch N' Stroll at Burnsville Center (fitness for moms put on by Lifetime Fitness) and today started doing housekeeping for my uncle (4 hours). I'm at his house now. I just took a lil break to breastfeed my babe and have a piece of toast. I've lost 30 lbs since my return home and now look forward to having more intensive workouts once my 6 week recovery period is complete and I have the doctor's ok. I go for my 6 week check a few days after Christmas (before we head to Kansas to bring in the New Year).

I just checked out the photo album for updated photos that Justin uploaded and am not exactly thrilled at some of my most bloated photos being there. Ah well, it's one of the joys of initial motherhood (or something).

My sister is coming down this Saturday to babysit so we can go to Justin's office Christmas party in St. Paul. I'm nervous and excited to be around other grown humans. My "outings" have consisted of walks with the baby and church on Sunday. It may be a long winter.

Ok, Maddy is telling me to get back to work!

I'll update again soon!

  

A picture of the most beautiful little baby in the world! This is Madeline, born 11/16/06 at 3:04am!!!

Pregnant Pause?

Well, mother nature is napping I guess. Baby Madeline is healthy and happy as hell tearing it up inside my belly. The ultrasound and stress test last week all showed perfect insides and all that "neat" stuff and today I had another baby stress test and she is still quite content where she's at. I'm finally scheduled for induction this Wednesday morning at 7:30. Maybe I'll get lucky and these contractions I've been continuing to have will develop into full-blown labor before then, rather than just practice labor. Today I was dilated to between 2-3 cm and baby's head is still down where it should be.

I'm very scared now and wish I could rethink this whole deal.

Brief update on yesterday's appointment: everything looks fantastic and baby is super duper low, all I have to do is go into labor and she'll come out (I hope it's THAT simple!). The midwife was able to touch Maddy's head with no problem when she examined me (freaky!).

If I don't have her by beginning of next week I have to go in for another ultrasound and stress test for baby and determine from there what happens next. If the placenta has begun to deteriorate then it will require induction or possible c-section. If not, we may be able to wait on mother nature a little while longer.

I'll be honest and say that I'm not the best at this waiting game, especially when I'm not working during the day. Pray for us!

We are at my uncle's doing some updating to Justin's laptop and throwing some photos in an album Justin created. Let's give this a shot!

I'm done working and my due date 10/26 has come and gone and the monster child is still raising hell inside of me. I have another appointment with my midwife tomorrow and my doula is scheduled to be out of town tomorrow through Sunday so we have a back-up in case Madeline struts her stuff before Sunday. Of course I want her to come NOW, but I'm not super crazy about the possibility of having a doula we haven't met. I'll probably touch base with her this afternoon in case something happens tomorrow morning.

We have fun pictures of pregnant me that we'll try to post some night from my uncle's house. It's a bummer not having internet at home, but totally something we can live without while we figure out a budget with a baby and one income.

Justin dressed as superman today and had to shave his facial hair to get into character. He looked like a little boy. It freaked me out a little.

Anyone have any big ideas on how to induce labor? I've been walking, squatting, lunging, riding the teater totter at the playground across the street, sex, nipple stimulation, basically everything except the castor oil someone suggested--no thanks. Justin had a dream that he woke up in the middle of the night and I was reaching up trying to pull the baby out myself. Hmmmm---he may be on to something there!

Still pregnant and still working full-time at erection central. The great thing is that they are on a nice tree-lined street down a few feet from Wooddale Church and I go for walks everyday during my lunch break. It is wonderful to clear my head and enjoy the fall weather.

We got rid of our doctor and switched to a midwife at the same clinic/hospital. I had my first appt. with them on Wednesday and it went super well. Her nurse was the greatest woman ever and had the doctor had a nurse like that I may have felt better about things. I had only gained 2# during the 2 week period since my last visit so I was happy about that. I discussed weight with midwife and she didn't understand why I was bringing it up in the first place because I have basically maintained the entire pregnancy. Go figure.

She ordered another ultra-sound since the baby's arrival is so sketchy in my records and if the baby is as big as the previous doctor thinks she is wondering if I would perhaps consider an elective c-section. Yuck. SO, tomorrow while husband is in Buffalo playing paintball with fellas I'm going to go to the hospital for yet another picture of Madeline and see what's up in there.

Other than being SUPER tired because of horrible night-sleep I feel fabulous. Justin and I rode our bikes over to my uncle's last night for him to bring up north for storage this weekend. We then walked back home and other than a gigantic fight on the way back I felt good physically.

Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't be working right now, so I can be resting up for labor/delivery, but I don't sit still well. The only comfortable position for me lately is standing or walking. Sitting and laying down stink. At least at work my mind is kept busy--sort of. I know they are glad to have my help here and it is nice to have the extra money to take care of some things and do some fun things with husband before Maddy gets here.

I'm feeling sort of lonely and wish I had some friends down here that were interested in discussing pregnancy or doing things like going for a walk or just sitting and drinking water.

Time to jet. I'm taking Justin to see a movie and pepper him with kisses before I tuck him into bed. He is meeting the fellas in Eden Prairie at 6:30 tomorrow mornin'. That's pure insanity. I"m glad he's going though.

Today Justin said that I'm never happy with anything.
It felt like a slap in the face.
Part of me wishes he had done that instead.

I am so tired today I feel like I can barely function, but somehow was up later last night and earlier this morning with little struggle. Getting ready to go to Wadsville for the shower this weekend is more work than it's probably worth (no, I don't really mean that). It's just been such a hectic week that all I want to do is not see anyone or do anything.

Today is my last day of work in Shakopee and erection central wants me back full-time next week and THEN 3 days a week after that. While I was looking forward to a couple days of getting some stuff done around home next week the money will be nice and it's only 2 more days than I had planned. Next week isn't as jam-packed with stuff either--until childbirth class friday and saturday. Actually, now that I think of it, I think I have breastfeeding class on Tuesday night and Monday night my brother was going to come over....

There'll be plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead.

Ok, this is seriously a nutso day.
I ran home for lunch and just as I sat down to watch the Cosby's and eat my sandwich my mom called.
My cousin is pregnant with her 2nd illegitimate baby. Her first son just turned 4 I think and the daddy had been out of the picture for quite a while and now is back in Minnesota and apparently back in Jeanne's pants. To quote my grandma, "Doesn't show know how it happened the first time?"

Then there is my brother's response, "ARE YOU FRICKIN’ SERIOUS? How does Jeanne get pregnant more times in 4 years than I get laid! WHAT THE HELL!!!! CONDOMS!!!!!!! BIRTH CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s soooo much cheaper and easier than actually raising a kid!!! Lord!"

Oh so funny, but even more sad.

Then there was this friend that had a baby a year and a half ago and was engaged to be married this spring but they called the wedding off who just found out that this baby is not his. WOW! How do you make sense of that after 18mths of bonding with (and paying for) a kid you think is yours?

I'm glad my life isn't a talk show topic.

I just now realized that if I am 3 weeks further along, I could be having this baby in TWO weeks.

Oh MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

I miss my Bemidji doctor so much. If I weren't so far along in my pregnancy I would switch doctors at this new clinic. It just seems sort of pointless now. I've mostly resolved that I wouldn't use this guy again nor would I refer anyone to him.
I gained just over 4# since 2 weeks ago and after "discussing" that with him I felt like a failure. He kept saying that I shold only be gaining 1-1.5 lbs a week and that I was doing so well and now it's like I'm letting myself go. Excuse me! If I stuck with his average, I should have gained 2-3 lbs since my last visit and I gained 4. Do I suck that bad?
I was losing every visit for the first several months and then was staying the same and it's basically been just these 2 visits that I've gained anything. I felt like bawling because I was pretty freaked out after finding out I gained 5# at my last visit and really did make a concious effort to stick with eating at home and having lots of fresh fruits and vegs, my usual breakfast of kashi, fruit, and soy milk, snacks of apples and cucumbers and triscuits bla bla bla. Bastard.

THEN he pulls out some results from my ultrsound a couple weeks ago and says that the baby is measuring a fair amount larger than what my due date would suggest and that I could be 3 weeks further along than what he thought. He didn't seem concerned as the baby's heart rate and my blood pressure and everything are perfect; just that my weight gain is nutso I guess. So I scheduled a visit for 2 weeks and then once a week after that. Another ultrasound will also be ordered next time to see if they can more accurately gauge when this baby is going to make it's appearance.

I hate going to these appointments alone. I wish Justin's commute didn't have him quite so far away.

After I had one foot out of the clinic I collapsed into a pile of tears and sobbed my way to work.

This baby has NO idea what she's getting herself into.

Doctor again tomorrow so I get to come in to work a lil late. I worked full-time last week and this week for a company in Shakopee and it has caught up with me--I'm pooped. Plus we've been going nonstop for the last few weeks with family stuff and yadda yadda yadda. We are heading to Wadena after I get off work on Friday for baby shower on Saturday. Sunday we come back and are meeting with the woman I hope will be our doula.

Tonight my old friend, Rhiannon, is coming over for dinner. I haven't seen her in ages and it'll be great to give her a big hug.

Last night Justin and I did a ton of work around the apt and ended up going to bed not talking. He growled at me and I started crying. Tired + pregnancy hormones = no good. We are better today and laughing about it. He is participating in a men's group at our church that meets Tuesday mornings at 6:15. Today was the first day and he said it was a terrific way to start the day. I am so proud of him and it makes me feel good that he is spending time with other Christian men. He went to a men's group at our church in Bemidji a few times but said it was like attending a freak show and wouldn't go back.

My boobies started leaking the other day. This whole baby thing is really happening (like there was a doubt in my mind)! I'm almost a month away from my due date but have a feeling it's going to come early.

Old roommie Rick and his wife came over for dinner last Friday. It was nice to see them but sort of strange in a way I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe it has to do with baby or something. Not sure.

Saturday we had to take my godchild to his football game and then took him and his brother out for lunch. Their dad was busy helping set up for the benefit dinner for Ryan's cancer fundraiser deal in Hopkins. We went there for the evening and helped with that and visited with more friends we haven't seen for a long time. Stretch and Holly are due with baby around the same time we are, so it was fun to talk pregnancy with her.

Sunday we spent the day with my cousin Jayson and his wife and kids at their home in Rogers. They were fortunate to not have any damage to their home, however, their daycare provider's neighborhood 3 blocks away was a war zone. The police were checking vehicles as we entered the area and weren't going to let us in, but Jayson and Beth were in the vehicle in front of us and got them to let us through. Crrrrrazy!

I would give anything to have a day at home with my man where we don't have to go anywhere or see anyone or do anything. After this weekend in Wadena, the following weekend is childbirth classes. The weekend after that is my cousin's wedding back up North but we are 99% sure we are going to pass and stay home and finish up baby prep at home and get things winterized. The following weekend is another baby shower with Steinkopf family in Rogers and then the following weekend we are supposed to take my parents out for the night for my dad's birthday.

This baby needs to come NOW so I can have a break!

Almost time to go home for the day. Shutdown.

I've been so busy this week doing temp work for a company in Eden Prairie--they actually are a medical place that produces erectile dysfunction devices!!! How perfect for me. haha.

The marketing/pr guy didn't even have the decency to call me back. I take the time to go for 2 interviews and complete an "assignment" with little notice and this professional (yeah right) man couldn't find time in his busy day to call and tell me he decided to go another route. I'm fine with a company doing what's best for the company--that's what is expected and if I'm not what's best, that's totally ok. Why not extend the courtesy of some kind of contact? I was supposed to receive a call the Monday following my interviews. I waited until Wednesday because I thought maybe they would send a letter to avoid making a phone call, still nothing. I sent a brief and slightly snotty e-mail. I got a response later that day saying he had been so busy.

The erection company asked if I would be interested in doing some more part-time work for them after this week. I think that'll work out for now--getting some extra cash until Maddy arrives--stockpile for diapers and stuff!

I met with a body shop in Eden Prairie today and they asked if I would be interested in working for them as an estimator after the baby is born. We'll see what happens on that one.

Anyhoo, I'm at my aunt's for dinner tonight and relaxing, checking e-mail and stuff. It's really hot in here so I'm going to close for now.

I'm at the library ready to punch the man next to me for clearing his throat every 5 seconds!
Another doctor appointment completed this morning. Due date is now 10/26 and the results from my blood test were fine--no gestational diabetes and hemoglobin normal. Today I was up 1# and my blood pressure was a little low, protein and urine sugar are fine. I actually FEEL pregnant now and it kind of stinks--although as I type this I can simply look down at my belly and SEE the Maddy going crazy. I love that. I feel rather unattractive and like I'm in the early stages of the stomach flu, but all of the time. I've been trying to go walking daily and yesterday went for a bike ride. I imagine I looked sort of ridiculous, trying to balance my big ass and belly on what I call my "mom bike." It was nice to get the sun and fresh air.
Last weekend we went to the farmer's market in Burnsville and got some beautiful produce that I've been freezing and baking with this week. We strolled through the Art and all that Jazz festival. Artists are a strange group of folk. We checked out a new church this weekend and really enjoyed it. Last weekend we went to one in Shakopee that was not quite what we were looking for. We'll probably continue to go to this one for a few weeks and see how things go.
This weekend we have tickets to the St. Paul Saints for Saturday night as some work thing for Justin. I love outdoor baseball and am very excited. I think we're also going to go to the state fair. My sister won some tickets and is going to try to send them to us.
I wish we had internet at home so I could be posting some pictures on here of our new home, baby photos (ultra sound), me (big belly and boobs), husband. We are trying to watch the expenses until we know what exactly will fit in our budget. Neither of us are big internet junkies so it's not really a big sacrifice to not have it.
Time to wrap up. I have a few more things to take care of while I'm here.
Hugs and kisses to ya'll.

Brief update post as I'm on my way from the library to the doctor for some bloodwork: IT'S A GIRL! I had another ultrasound on Saturday morning to monitor the cyst on my ovary and Madeline M. Lillich let us have a brief view of her lil bottom area! It's so exciting!

I've been doing some temp. work in the area and had 2 interviews last week with a marketing/pr firm in Jordan. I'm supposed to find out today on that one. There is an awesome position that just opened up with the city of Shakopee for a Communications Coordinator that may be more up my alley than the Jordan thing, but whatever happens is fine with me. It's wonderful not to be under so much pressure although I still find myself busy as ever trying to get settled and things in order. The Kansas in-laws have been in town for the last 4 days so that slowed things down a little--'nuff said about that!

Anyway, I have to get across town to the lab. One of these days I will truly update and e-mail some of you. We don't have internet at home and I've only been here just about 2 weeks.

Bye for now.

I'm out of the insurance business!

Update to come later.