Sad.
I am sad today.
I walked to work today so I could have time alone and cry.
Sad.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Blah!
I feel like crap the last couple days. My boobs hurt so bad! I feel like I have babies hanging from my nipples! The extreme stress of my job only makes everything worse. I have got to find something else---NOW! I don't want to spend my whole pregnancy under this much stress and imagine after I have the baby. To be quite honest, I'm scared. So many things will be changing in the coming months and adding a baby to it all makes it 1000 times more terrifying.
Dear God, please send some good news our way soon.
I feel like crap the last couple days. My boobs hurt so bad! I feel like I have babies hanging from my nipples! The extreme stress of my job only makes everything worse. I have got to find something else---NOW! I don't want to spend my whole pregnancy under this much stress and imagine after I have the baby. To be quite honest, I'm scared. So many things will be changing in the coming months and adding a baby to it all makes it 1000 times more terrifying.
Dear God, please send some good news our way soon.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Through Pregnancy & Beyond
Today is the first day in my mere 6 weeks of pregnancy that I actually felt a little "different." It was more of an emotional thing than physical. I felt a bit of what I might call a hormonal surge (?) It first happened when I was on the treadmill this morning. I was doing some interval jog/walk routine and all of a sudden I felt like crying. Of course my mind was like, "what the hell is the matter with you?" I wasn't thinking about anything in particular--actually I was dwelling on the fact that I want to stay very active throughout my pregnancy because I am mortified at the thought of gaining much weight because I'm already bigger than I should be (pregnant or not). It wasn't something I was necessarily SAD about though. I talked myself out of it and then this morning I was at work and was moderately busy on the phone and trying to wrap up some claims when it happened again. This time I know I wasn't thinking about anything specific--just doing robotic duties at the office. I felt like at any moment I would burst into tears. I just kept quiet and did my work.
I'm a great worker, but usually it's out of character for me to be so quiet and to myself where I work. We are a social group of folks here and our bitch of a manager is on vacation until March 20th, so we are free to converse (while working our asses off by the way). Well, I walked over to Rich's desk to ask a question about a claim and he says, "Hey Lillich, you're pretty stuck up over in your corner."
I got choked up and MADE myself hold it back and throw back some smart ass remark without turning around so he could see my eyes.
How PATHETIC!
I'll admit to being sensitive & emotional sometimes with certain people (husband mostly). NEVER ever to this extent. It's interesting to see what the next 8-9 months hold for me (us).
So far no cravings or morning sickness or anything like that. I've been continuing to get up every morning and exercise for at least 45 minutes (The Firm aerobics & treadmill on alternating days). I think the only thing I've noticed a changed tolerance for is garlic. I love garlic & cooking with it is one of my favorite things, but now it's quickly moving down my list of favorite smells. Yesterday I was going to have a piece of carrot cake after lunch and about 4 bites into it I felt like barfing. I hardly ever have anything with sugar, but carrot cake is one of my favorite sweets that I have maybe once every 6 months. I ended up throwing it away. Last night I tried to have some sugar free chocolate pudding and was gagging after a couple tastes of that as well.
Back to this weight business though. I'm a very health-concious individual. I have not always been that way though. I've spent the last several years doing a complete transformation and it is most certainly a lifestyle I am thrilled to continue and maintain for the rest of my existence. I still have work ahead of me to try to combat the years of not caring about my body. That's one of my regrets I suppose with the pregnancy is that I am not further ahead in my weight loss before becoming pregnant. I've been obsessively reading up on pregnancy nutrition and weight gain and also discussed with my nurse practitioner on Wednesday that I do not have to fulfill any nutritional needs right now. Of course I need to take my prenatal vitamins and other supplements but as far as increasing caloric intake--not necessary. My goal is to keep me weight gain to 15 pounds or less. Is that unrealistic? I don't think so. I've also been reading about pregnancy fitness and it appears I don't need to adjust my workouts at all, until the last month maybe. I need to be careful not to become too overheated and I'm obviously not going to go play back to back games of full court basketball, but there is no reason to change anything I've been doing!
That makes me extremely happy!
Now, if I can find a cure for sore boobies I'll be set!
Today is the first day in my mere 6 weeks of pregnancy that I actually felt a little "different." It was more of an emotional thing than physical. I felt a bit of what I might call a hormonal surge (?) It first happened when I was on the treadmill this morning. I was doing some interval jog/walk routine and all of a sudden I felt like crying. Of course my mind was like, "what the hell is the matter with you?" I wasn't thinking about anything in particular--actually I was dwelling on the fact that I want to stay very active throughout my pregnancy because I am mortified at the thought of gaining much weight because I'm already bigger than I should be (pregnant or not). It wasn't something I was necessarily SAD about though. I talked myself out of it and then this morning I was at work and was moderately busy on the phone and trying to wrap up some claims when it happened again. This time I know I wasn't thinking about anything specific--just doing robotic duties at the office. I felt like at any moment I would burst into tears. I just kept quiet and did my work.
I'm a great worker, but usually it's out of character for me to be so quiet and to myself where I work. We are a social group of folks here and our bitch of a manager is on vacation until March 20th, so we are free to converse (while working our asses off by the way). Well, I walked over to Rich's desk to ask a question about a claim and he says, "Hey Lillich, you're pretty stuck up over in your corner."
I got choked up and MADE myself hold it back and throw back some smart ass remark without turning around so he could see my eyes.
How PATHETIC!
I'll admit to being sensitive & emotional sometimes with certain people (husband mostly). NEVER ever to this extent. It's interesting to see what the next 8-9 months hold for me (us).
So far no cravings or morning sickness or anything like that. I've been continuing to get up every morning and exercise for at least 45 minutes (The Firm aerobics & treadmill on alternating days). I think the only thing I've noticed a changed tolerance for is garlic. I love garlic & cooking with it is one of my favorite things, but now it's quickly moving down my list of favorite smells. Yesterday I was going to have a piece of carrot cake after lunch and about 4 bites into it I felt like barfing. I hardly ever have anything with sugar, but carrot cake is one of my favorite sweets that I have maybe once every 6 months. I ended up throwing it away. Last night I tried to have some sugar free chocolate pudding and was gagging after a couple tastes of that as well.
Back to this weight business though. I'm a very health-concious individual. I have not always been that way though. I've spent the last several years doing a complete transformation and it is most certainly a lifestyle I am thrilled to continue and maintain for the rest of my existence. I still have work ahead of me to try to combat the years of not caring about my body. That's one of my regrets I suppose with the pregnancy is that I am not further ahead in my weight loss before becoming pregnant. I've been obsessively reading up on pregnancy nutrition and weight gain and also discussed with my nurse practitioner on Wednesday that I do not have to fulfill any nutritional needs right now. Of course I need to take my prenatal vitamins and other supplements but as far as increasing caloric intake--not necessary. My goal is to keep me weight gain to 15 pounds or less. Is that unrealistic? I don't think so. I've also been reading about pregnancy fitness and it appears I don't need to adjust my workouts at all, until the last month maybe. I need to be careful not to become too overheated and I'm obviously not going to go play back to back games of full court basketball, but there is no reason to change anything I've been doing!
That makes me extremely happy!
Now, if I can find a cure for sore boobies I'll be set!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
So, BIG news. I took a couple home pregnancy tests this weekend and they were positive for baby in my belly! I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner yesterday & confirmed that indeed there is a little peanut growing inside of me and sometime late October/early November I will be dropping a human being from between my legs!
Holy Crap!
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