i feel like i am in jail

Here's a link to Jesse and Becky's wedding montage!

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My brother got married to his soulmate last weekend. It was touching to see the way he looked at his bride as she walked down the aisle to meet him. Definite cause for reflection and amazement at seeing my "little brother" in this new way. It was a mix of emotions that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Happiness for sure, because of this new adventure in his life, but also a little sad that now he has a wife and maybe won't have much need or time for me. Ridiculous, I know. It's not like she just emerged out of water the day before the wedding.

They have been dating for a few years and living together as well. So clearly if we spoke on the phone a gjillion times a week before Saturday, we still will, right? It has been a challenge not texting or calling him while he is on his honeymoon. My brother is one of my best friends and I love it! We laugh at the most inappropriate things and assume that we will have the best seats to the punishment corner in hell for doing so.

Anyway, my husband, daughter, and I were asked to be in the wedding and unfortunately because of finances husband and I had to decline and participate in other ways. Madeline was still a flower girl and I have to say, if I went into business making adorable children, I'd be a friggen zillionaire! Check out this perfect piece of pediatric artwork and tell me you don't want one of your very own for a simple $50,000!

(Madeline is the beautifule blonde in the middle!)

'Tis the day after my 32nd birthday. It was super uneventful due to a crappy seasonal job that I'm working at the IRS. I work 7p-330a with a bunch of morons. I keep a steady supply of audio books checked out of the library and if my batteries run out or I finish my discs, I just keep my headphones on so nobody will think I want to hear what they are saying.

Night shift at the IRS is like walking the streets of Harlem. I, a white female, am a complete minority and get treated like shit. I've got oodles of funny stories and characters that I am simply too tired to compose at the moment. Tonight we are having a baby shower disguised as a potluck for some chick who is pregnant. I don't even KNOW her or care what she is carrying in her nasty ass. BUT I'm making crescent pinwheels as we speak. So much pressure to not get shot.

On the positive: Husband baked me a beautiful cake and decorated it with sunflower for my birthday! I love thoughtful deeds like that.

Maddie and I are heading to Minnesota in May for the first time since Christmas. I'm looking forward to helping with my brother's fiance's bridal shower and seeing everyone. It'll signal the END of IRS! yeahhhooo! Then maybe I can get back on track with exercise and husband's idea from long ago of having a joint task force on FUPA reduction. Love it.

Happy Spring, Everyone!

It's all I can trust anymore:

Jesus, lover of my soul.
Jesus, I will never let You go.
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know.

I love You, I need You.
Though my world may fall,
I'll never let You go.
My Savior, my closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.

         

It is tough not having internet connection at home.  We moved to Kansas in November and are pretty much as poor as poor can get, without being homeless or bankrupt...yet. haha.

I love living here.  I have despised winter my entire life and this milder climate is more my speed.  It does wonders for my mood and motivation!  However, our income dropped by 2/3, so we have scaled wayyy back.  No cable, internet, movies, dining out, shopping, etc. etc...anything that costs money.  

It is humbling and has strengthened my faith in immeasurable ways.  I do, however, feel extremely disconnected from the real world.  Once in a great while I can get an internet connection from the neighbor, if I'm sitting on our bed with the laptop.  I mostly feel guilty for doing that, so I should keep this short!

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the important things in life!  I miss keeping up with all of you and look forward to being able to do so regularly when finances afford such luxuries!

Big hugz and whatnots from Kansas!

Justin phoned and said his orders have come through to fly out tomorrow for hurricane territory.  Louisina and Texas for approximately 3 weeks to assist in the handling of insurance claims.  Wild.  The best I ever got to do was go to St. Louis area after their shit storm hail and stuff 2 years ago.  CAT duty is right up his alley and his concern, of course, is leaving Madeline and I here to deal with our precarious living situation and possible move at the end of October.  Obviously he'll be back by then, but we aren't sure exactly what life will be like at that point.

I'm cool with whatever.  We have fantastic friends at our church and my parents are coming this weekend, I think.

Sooooooooo...I guess we'll see what the dealio.

What are ya'll up to these days?

My super creative mom-in-law is always using Madeline in her crafting projects for the library.  Here is the latest shot at making my daughter famous.

I'm watching Dee Long and Sarah Janececk duke it out over the McCain/Palin ticket.  Dee's definitely got the upper hand in this "conversation" and I love it!  

It baffles me to think that McCain thought he would attract Hillary voters by selecting  Palin as his vp.  They couldn't be at more opposite points of view on "the issues" that usually sway voters (abortion, sex education, gay marriages). I tend to agree with Long that Palin will attract rural & uneducated women who were only Hillary voters because of the fact that she was a woman and nothing else.  Long was also a hockey mom in her time and noted that it did not qualify her to be in public office.

Justin has had several "discussions" on his Facebook page with some people from church and it appears there is no such thing as a liberal Christian up here...or a liberal evangalist?  Why do people make me feel like I'm sacrificing my faith by supporting the DFL? 

Eight IS enough!

Addiction and Feeding the Monster

My lovely daughter is in love with a red monster. She says his name more than any other word she knows and throws herself on the floor when I won't let her see him.

"Elmos!" she will happily cry morning and night. I am guilty of giving in sometimes because I just want a moment to myself (to post to my blog or something!). I never wanted to be a mom that used the television as a babysitter! Damn you Sesame Street!

My baby used the potty chair yesterday!! She has sat on it a few times, but actually peed!

Who knew life could get so exciting?

Day one of in-laws visit from Kansas is drawing to a close.
So far, so good. I'm thrilled and surprised!

Neverending quest for beauty!

Justin and I have gym memberships to Anytime Fitness. We have good intentions of doing a fitness weblog together, but it slipped by the wayside after one post. We called it "The Joint Task Force on FUPA Reduction." Now Justin has one called "Eye of the Tiger, Body of the Manitee."

Madeline is staying with my parents & sisters this week and rather than work on everything I have to fight to do when she is here, I totally want to sit in the recliner and play solitaire. We didn't make it to the gym yesterday, but I'm on my way there after I complete this post. As I'm writing this, there is an info-mercial on for a fantastic 10-minute trainer program. The before pictures are always mega-ridiculous where everyone has awful posture and wears biker shorts and bikinis that are 28 sizes too small. Nobody of any size walks around wearing things like that. But the after picture shows the super fit shiney guy in acid washed jeans with the top button undone. That is what motivates me. Definitely.

Last week at the gym a snaggle hag got on my case b/c I didn't wipe down my machine within 8 seconds of stepping off. Justin said I should've used her sweat towel to tie her by the neck to the treadmill and cranked it on max incline and speed.

I've been trying to think about what my biggest roadblock is to being mega-fit and haven't quite narrowed it down yet. I'll think about that while I read my fitness magazine and sweat on the tread-climber.

There are some words you just don't hear people use on a regular basis these days.
Yesterday I was at the supermarket with Madeline and kept passing a mother with her 3 young children throughout the store. The mom was of the conservative/religious breed---long flowery print dress and fabric on her head….somewhat amish/mormonesque or something. At one point I was waiting for her to move her cart in the spice section when I saw a man who appeared to be trying to sneak up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and of course she was startled and the children and man laughed and the woman responded with, “You are such a rascal!”
Huh. Rascal. I don’t know if I’ve ever said that word. But it made me want to create some kind of situation in which I could call Justin a rascal. I know he’d stop whatever he was doing to ask me what the hell I was doing, call him a rascal. He’s probably react less if I called him a silly goose or even a crazy bastard.
Anyway, are there words that ya’ll can think of that aren’t used in everyday situations like the aforementioned?
Goofy is one I’ve been attempting to resurrect the last few months. It just sounds fun. My cousin said he is in a “shit” phase lately and laughed hard when I responded to a ridiculous family story with, “…oh, for shit’s sake!”
On a completely unrelated note, husband and I biked 24 miles on Saturday with Madeline hooked in the trailer behind my bike. My behind is still a tad sensitive if I sit a certain way at the dinner table, but otherwise it was wonderful. Our plan wasn’t to bike that far, but we did want to bike into the State Park to check out the campground for possible use this weekend when my parents and sisters visit. It was a bit further around the lake and off the trail than we had guessed and when we finally made it back home, Justin said he felt like he had been raped by a prison gang. Youch!

Over the course of the last week I have tried to publish about 4 different posts and each time it cycles and cycles and then comes back with an error and I lose everything except the first few sentences of what I had written. It's not that I had anything so exciting or interesting to say, but it makes me feel like doing murder when that happens!

So, here I am, trying it AGAIN while Madeline watches Sesame Street and I sort through pictures from my cousin's wedding. It was a pleasant trip to Minneapolis and I had a few too many cocktails and look like shit in pretty much all of the photos. Stacey+drinking=dancing=sweating=ugly.

However, I have attached a photo of brother sharing a piece of ham with his fiance'. Pretty friggen romantic?

Husband's job is talking about sending us to Kansas in late October. I don't think I'd mind skipping a Minnesota winter this year. I mostly want to NOT feel like my brain and body are turning to mush by being a stay at home mom. Madeline and I were out for a walk this morning and I found myself conversing with her about doggies and bunnies and other lame shit in the neighborhood. I think the people who say being a stay at home mom is so fulfilling are big liars. Maybe I'm not creative enough? Maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe my life prior to having a child was pretty challenging and satisfying and making such an extreme shift is like culture shock?

I am disappointed in myself for learning character names on Sesame Street and that I can recognize a boy named Caliou and an animal/boy named Arthur and that I count and recite numbers and letters in any given everyday situation. What happens when Madeline gets older and goes to school? I'll be left a retarded old lady with nothing but my morning public television line up!