Justin phoned and said his orders have come through to fly out tomorrow for hurricane territory.  Louisina and Texas for approximately 3 weeks to assist in the handling of insurance claims.  Wild.  The best I ever got to do was go to St. Louis area after their shit storm hail and stuff 2 years ago.  CAT duty is right up his alley and his concern, of course, is leaving Madeline and I here to deal with our precarious living situation and possible move at the end of October.  Obviously he'll be back by then, but we aren't sure exactly what life will be like at that point.

I'm cool with whatever.  We have fantastic friends at our church and my parents are coming this weekend, I think.

Sooooooooo...I guess we'll see what the dealio.

What are ya'll up to these days?

My super creative mom-in-law is always using Madeline in her crafting projects for the library.  Here is the latest shot at making my daughter famous.

I'm watching Dee Long and Sarah Janececk duke it out over the McCain/Palin ticket.  Dee's definitely got the upper hand in this "conversation" and I love it!  

It baffles me to think that McCain thought he would attract Hillary voters by selecting  Palin as his vp.  They couldn't be at more opposite points of view on "the issues" that usually sway voters (abortion, sex education, gay marriages). I tend to agree with Long that Palin will attract rural & uneducated women who were only Hillary voters because of the fact that she was a woman and nothing else.  Long was also a hockey mom in her time and noted that it did not qualify her to be in public office.

Justin has had several "discussions" on his Facebook page with some people from church and it appears there is no such thing as a liberal Christian up here...or a liberal evangalist?  Why do people make me feel like I'm sacrificing my faith by supporting the DFL? 

Addiction and Feeding the Monster

My lovely daughter is in love with a red monster. She says his name more than any other word she knows and throws herself on the floor when I won't let her see him.

"Elmos!" she will happily cry morning and night. I am guilty of giving in sometimes because I just want a moment to myself (to post to my blog or something!). I never wanted to be a mom that used the television as a babysitter! Damn you Sesame Street!

My baby used the potty chair yesterday!! She has sat on it a few times, but actually peed!

Who knew life could get so exciting?

Day one of in-laws visit from Kansas is drawing to a close.
So far, so good. I'm thrilled and surprised!

Neverending quest for beauty!

Justin and I have gym memberships to Anytime Fitness. We have good intentions of doing a fitness weblog together, but it slipped by the wayside after one post. We called it "The Joint Task Force on FUPA Reduction." Now Justin has one called "Eye of the Tiger, Body of the Manitee."

Madeline is staying with my parents & sisters this week and rather than work on everything I have to fight to do when she is here, I totally want to sit in the recliner and play solitaire. We didn't make it to the gym yesterday, but I'm on my way there after I complete this post. As I'm writing this, there is an info-mercial on for a fantastic 10-minute trainer program. The before pictures are always mega-ridiculous where everyone has awful posture and wears biker shorts and bikinis that are 28 sizes too small. Nobody of any size walks around wearing things like that. But the after picture shows the super fit shiney guy in acid washed jeans with the top button undone. That is what motivates me. Definitely.

Last week at the gym a snaggle hag got on my case b/c I didn't wipe down my machine within 8 seconds of stepping off. Justin said I should've used her sweat towel to tie her by the neck to the treadmill and cranked it on max incline and speed.

I've been trying to think about what my biggest roadblock is to being mega-fit and haven't quite narrowed it down yet. I'll think about that while I read my fitness magazine and sweat on the tread-climber.

There are some words you just don't hear people use on a regular basis these days.
Yesterday I was at the supermarket with Madeline and kept passing a mother with her 3 young children throughout the store. The mom was of the conservative/religious breed---long flowery print dress and fabric on her head….somewhat amish/mormonesque or something. At one point I was waiting for her to move her cart in the spice section when I saw a man who appeared to be trying to sneak up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and of course she was startled and the children and man laughed and the woman responded with, “You are such a rascal!”
Huh. Rascal. I don’t know if I’ve ever said that word. But it made me want to create some kind of situation in which I could call Justin a rascal. I know he’d stop whatever he was doing to ask me what the hell I was doing, call him a rascal. He’s probably react less if I called him a silly goose or even a crazy bastard.
Anyway, are there words that ya’ll can think of that aren’t used in everyday situations like the aforementioned?
Goofy is one I’ve been attempting to resurrect the last few months. It just sounds fun. My cousin said he is in a “shit” phase lately and laughed hard when I responded to a ridiculous family story with, “…oh, for shit’s sake!”
On a completely unrelated note, husband and I biked 24 miles on Saturday with Madeline hooked in the trailer behind my bike. My behind is still a tad sensitive if I sit a certain way at the dinner table, but otherwise it was wonderful. Our plan wasn’t to bike that far, but we did want to bike into the State Park to check out the campground for possible use this weekend when my parents and sisters visit. It was a bit further around the lake and off the trail than we had guessed and when we finally made it back home, Justin said he felt like he had been raped by a prison gang. Youch!

Over the course of the last week I have tried to publish about 4 different posts and each time it cycles and cycles and then comes back with an error and I lose everything except the first few sentences of what I had written. It's not that I had anything so exciting or interesting to say, but it makes me feel like doing murder when that happens!

So, here I am, trying it AGAIN while Madeline watches Sesame Street and I sort through pictures from my cousin's wedding. It was a pleasant trip to Minneapolis and I had a few too many cocktails and look like shit in pretty much all of the photos. Stacey+drinking=dancing=sweating=ugly.

However, I have attached a photo of brother sharing a piece of ham with his fiance'. Pretty friggen romantic?

Husband's job is talking about sending us to Kansas in late October. I don't think I'd mind skipping a Minnesota winter this year. I mostly want to NOT feel like my brain and body are turning to mush by being a stay at home mom. Madeline and I were out for a walk this morning and I found myself conversing with her about doggies and bunnies and other lame shit in the neighborhood. I think the people who say being a stay at home mom is so fulfilling are big liars. Maybe I'm not creative enough? Maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe my life prior to having a child was pretty challenging and satisfying and making such an extreme shift is like culture shock?

I am disappointed in myself for learning character names on Sesame Street and that I can recognize a boy named Caliou and an animal/boy named Arthur and that I count and recite numbers and letters in any given everyday situation. What happens when Madeline gets older and goes to school? I'll be left a retarded old lady with nothing but my morning public television line up!

What are other ways that people cope with children driving them INSANE?!?!?!?!?

First we have our latest MySpace photo for all of ya'll to enjoy! The second photo is one that Justin put together for a party my brother hosted this weekend. All of the dudes were congregating for male fun and to make one of the men feel bad about having a picture with his cat, everyone was supposed to take super ridiculous pictures with animals to be hung in the garage. J created this "masterpiece" because we do not and never will have any animals/pets.

I'm tired.

Sort of survey:

For those of you with significant others: when you go out of town and your other half stays home, how often do you speak on the phone?

Mama!

Madeline said MAMA for the first time today! We've been trying to get her to say it for ages and her current verbal vocabulary consists of: dad, cheese, oh wow, and sometimes ball and boobs.

I am overflowing with excitement! It is my wedding anniversary today and Justin called my mom this morning to wish her happy anniversary of being his mother-in-law. Crazy cat.

We got 16 more inches of snow this last weekend and are on tap for another possible rain/snow this weekend. I think I might do murder if that happens.

We got another 16+ inches of snow this weekend. Seriously? What is going on? My sisters and I had a girls' night scheduled with my mom for Friday night in Brainerd. I left town around 1:30 pm and it was just very cold. As I got closer to the Brainerd Lakes area the white shit was flying.
I ended up not being able to come home yesterday. I got on the road around 7:00 a.m. today, hoping to make it back in time to go to church with Justin and Madeline at 10:00. Normally the drive would take 2 hours at the most. Today it took me 4 hours. Yes.
I spun out twice and had to be towed out once. No damage to me or the vehicle. I drank lots of water and smoked a couple cigs I found in my truck, while listening to a couple cd's I purchased at Friday night's concert. No, I'm not a habitual smoker, so don't judge me.
Why did I even start this post? I don't feel like writing and can't think.

I do have to tell something funny though. When we were at the concert Friday night, there was an old lady wearing a fanny pack. My sister leaned over and said, "FP at 11:00."
Several years ago she came with me to work at a booth at the Minneapolis Sport Show. There were an insane number of people in sweat pants and/or wearing fanny packs. We started to point them out to eachother by saying SP and FP.
So we were chuckling about the FP on Friday night and thought it would be funny if everyone on the Rosa Parks party bus in May had to wear fanny packs and could not be allowed to carry purses or wallets. I explained it would be for the best anyway, because it would afford so much more freedom. Then I came up with the brainiac idea to call fanny packs FREEDOM PURSES!

I love it and need to TM the name.

Justin recently did a post on his blog about how stupid Americans are. The other night Deal or No Deal was on one station and another Democratic debate was on at the same time. I was flipping back and forth between the two, mostly passing time until the new Criminal Minds was on. I can hardly stand Deal or No Deal, but it was this lame fraternity on spring break who was having crazy good luck, so I got sucked in. I also got a little sucked in when Obama was throwing down on Hillary for suggesting his friends of friends of friends are on a committee to do something and that mean he runs with a bad crowd.

I'm already way burnt out on election and it hasn't even begun. I'm one of the stoooopid Americans my husband speaks of. I feel bad that he was afraid to confront me about it as I flipped the channels.

It is FINALLY nice today! Last week at this time we were dealing with another EIGHT inches of snow.

We are heading south to my parents' for the weekend and grilling and bonfiring tomorrow in celebration of my big 31st birthday. Yipppeee.

I hate my birthday.

Seriously.

Where is Spring?

The other day my mom said the robin needs to get snowed on 3 times before Spring is "officially" here. I think any robin that may have been here is dead and buried under the 24 inches of snow we got this weekend!!!!!

On Saturday we were raking the damn grass in our flip flops and now we are crippled by white stuff. I've got a bad case of spring/cabin fever and just want to get my bike out and go around the lake.

My birthday is in a couple weeks and we are hoping to bbq and bonfire, instead of a party bus, weather permitting. We are thinking of doing the party bus in May for some relatives' college graduations. Justin is calling it "The Rosa Parks Invitational GET ON THE BUS Party" and working on an e-vite. He cracks me up.

Tonight is the NCAA championship game! Rock Chalk Jayhawk----KU! It's fun to watch Justin get fired up about things. He's so mellow and disinterested most of the time....hahahahahha.

Next Competition Photo

Chest Hair and New MySpace Photo

I have a dislike for stray hairs. I not only dislike them on myself, but as much on other people. Every once in a while Justin'll have a random ear hair or one of his goatee hairs sticks straight out and I have to yank it. He gets pretty angry and pissy and cryey and I tell him to look in a mirror once in a while and be thankful he has a wife who cares about things like that...BECAUSE he has commented on mega ear hair and whatnot on other people---men AND women.

It's maybe a double-standard that I can overlook (kind of) a stray facial hair on a man WAaaaayyy more than I can on a woman. Today at church there was a woman with beautiful long dark hair. During worship she flipped her hair back over her shoulder, revealing mega sideburns-----porkchops. It sort of caught me by surprise and I asked God to forgive me for judging and begged the Holy Spirit to help me focus. I've never been quite so happy to be blonde and fair-haired/skinned.

This situation reminded my of my first encounter with strange female hair "issues" as a child.

In 2nd grade my mom signed us all up for swimming lessons. Our instructor was actually my teacher from the prior school year. I was excited and instantly put at ease. I wanted to please her and show her that I was brave and ready to learn. On the inside I was totally scared of learning to swim and freaked out by water over my head. So I learned to hold my breath and clutched the side of the pool as we took turns trying the front and back float with her supporting us underneath. As I watched her lean over, holding one of the other kids, I could see down the front of her swimsuit. What I saw shocked me and has frightened me to this day. Of course, I saw boobs. At that age I had seen my mom dress plenty of times and was probably starting to sprout my own. However, on those breasts, I saw a crop of long, black, curly, coarse HAIR. I'm not talking a stray hair or 2 or even 4 or 8. I thought there was a black baby hiding down the front of her suit.

Scarred.

It's SO on! I think the above photo will be our next MySpace pic!

Below are my brother's last couple shots.

Who shall win?!?!

Justin & I, my brother, and another friend are having a "competition" on Myspace to find the strangest profile photos. It has gotten pretty funny.

Currently Cody has a photo of Radio and my brother has a strange looking male.
This is our current myspace photo.

I think it's male, but am not for sure.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!

It's Justin's 29th birthday today. He's a young pup and I robbed the cradle. I always dated men MUCH older than I, until I met Justin. He still teases me about having geriatric wet dreams and says I'm never allowed to work in a nursing home.
Having a birthday on a Tuesday is a bummer. I tried to get some of our friends together and they all are busy or flat out didn't respond. Nice. So it might just be the 2 of us going out for dinner and maybe light bulb shopping after that. Maddie'll stay with Ana and we'll be home and in bed asleep by 10 pm.
I'm ultra-pumped because MY birthday is on a Saturday this year!
Justin came home for lunch today and I made some wild rice and a new kind of veggie burger. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRROooooooossssyuuuuuukkkkkk! It was a bag of this veggie/protein/fiber stuff that you put with boiling water and let sit. Then form it into patties and cook 'er up! They are not tasty. Of course Madeline liked them. I served Justin's on some Ezekiel bread w/ketchup and spicy mustard and spicy cheese and spicy air on a spicy plate and it still was pretty raunch. Thankfully the wild rice and yogurt were available! But we know what Maddie gets for dinner tonight while we are having pizza and beer!

********************************************************************************

This weekend we had Jeremy and Renee's wedding reception down South. After 5 hours of driving we were totally ready for the brew tour and socializing afterward. It was super cold out and put a bit of a damper on festivities, but not too much.
The saturday reception was at this ballroom in downtown New Ulm and of course my camera batteries crapped out after taking 2 pictures of my brother during the talent show! BOoo!
The ballroom was this place that looked like it was from the '20's. Very cool. Tons of our relatives were there and we did loads of dancing and I'm still a little sore today actually. I wore monster heals alllll night and atrophied my calves and quads. I wish I could fully explain the fun that we have with some of my cousins when we get together playin "The Dare Game." It's totally wonderful for us, but dangerous for anyone else around.
It started with 13 year old Crystal trying to convince Jeremy and Renee that she was angry with her step mom and needed to sleep in their hotel room for the rest of the weekend. SHe was a true champ and totally convinced them, even though they said NO WAY.
Cousin Shelly had to go to the DJ and rub her hands all over herself and beg him to play something "dirty."
Ben had to put his tie around his head like a bandana and grap 2 sticks from one of the centerpieces and walk around "knighting" 6 people.
Justin had to escort a folding chair to the middle of the dance floor and dirty dance with it.
I had to pretend like I was leading an aerobics class in the middle of a group of people on the dance floor.
etc. etc. etc.
Stupid, fun, and most everytime we are together this crap takes place. I think Ben and I started it many years ago while camping. A bunch of us were around the bonfire and I dared him to go sit on the ground next to the fire and do 5 sit-ups and then go sit back down and not say anything to anyone. Whatever. Stooooopid, but if you knew my family you'd so be in on it.

Tomorrow is my parents' 31st wedding anniversary! Holy moly! Pretty much they can't stand eachother anymore, but maybe that's what happens when your life revolves around your kids for 31 years? When they grow up and leave, then you wonder who the hell that other person is sitting across the table from you? Sad kind of.

HAPPY EASTER!

Seriously Awesome?

Every so often I get a wild hair to try a new recipe or a healthier version of something I really like. I've adapted encheladas to be super healthy and today found a recipe for black bean brownies! Why not?

They just came out of the oven 7 minutes ago and I took a tiny corner bite and they are rockin! I called husband to tell him what I was making and I think he gagged. I want to call my friend Jen and tell her, cuz I'm so pumped, but they are probably right in the middle of sitting down to dinner.

Jen----they are good!

I used 1 c of brown sugar and 1 c of white, instead of 2 c of while. I was going to sub honey for some of the sugar but realized I was almost out. I would've used some whole wheat flour instead of white, but it only calls for 2/3 c. of flour anyway and I'm running low on wheat and I still have to bake bread for my mom's birthday gift tomorrow.

I threw in some white chocolate chips and I think we have a winner.

A few weeks ago I made some vegan oatmeal peanut butter cookies, that used tofu and soy milk instead of eggs and they were awesome. I used applesauce instead of oil and honey in place of half the sugar. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. I'll find the link to that recipe and post it. I have it around here somewhere.

Do any of ya'll have any stellar healthy recipes? I'd love to hear 'em!

Interesting and Sad!

A man committed suicide in his automobile recently. His wife was going to take their children and leave him. He decided he couldn't live that way and in an apparent rage left his home with a shotgun and drove on some country roads, damaging his truck and eventually stopped to shoot himself in the head.

The insurance claim(s) for the vehicle ended up in Justin's office and it has been very interesting to hear the process of handling such a tragic event. Fatality claims happen now and again, but this is not a regular happening by any stretch. Plus, we live in such a damn small world that I found out the man who died was a friend of my uncle, who lives in Minneapolis.

Yesterday the deputy who was involved in locating the vehicle stated that it was a terrible mess and they threw a tarp over the vehicle so that the tow truck driver wouldn't have to see the inside of the truck. Of course, Justin wants to be the one to inspect the vehicle all the more!

I don't know if he could handle that though. He's a major gagger and I'm afraid seeing a cab filled with blood and brains would have a bit of an affect on him. Ya think?

Suicide is icky. My dad's dad killed himself when my dad was a young boy. His mother (my dad's grandma) killed herself too. I wonder what takes hold of people and makes them feel THAT hopeless? I think that people who committ suicide are not in their right minds and something just snaps I suppose.

Anyway, who has the Easter Bunny coming to their house?

Happy St. Pat's Day!

It's snowing like crrrrrazy here, but no accumulation...YET. Hopefully the ground will stay warm enough to continue melting the crud falling from the sky. I'm a lot burnt out on winter. Although, having to shovel sidewalks in 30 degree weather isn't the worst thing I suppose.

Is everyone celebrating today? Drinking Guiness and wearing green? Aren't you supposed to pinch people if they don't have an article of green clothing on today?

I admit to not wearing a smidge of green today; not in protest or anything, I just don't see anyone really during my day that is coherent enough to know their own name, much less what day it is. I made some brown Irish soda bread---a wheat version of the regular and a dumplingish stew for dinner tonight. Given the snow, I think it'll go over fairly well.

This weekend we head south for my cousin's wedding. Friday night a bunch of us are going to tour the Schell brewery. I'm super pumped to have a weekend away from home and my daughter. We are FINALLY all well for the most part and I'm afraid I'm jinxing that by simply mentioning it! After we return we'll celebrate Justin's birthday and his parents will arrive from Kansas, as they do every year at this time to shower him with gifts and stress us (me) out.

I don't know why I thought I'd come on here and write. I don't have a damn thing to say really. I'm turning into a booooorrrrrriiiiinnnnnggggg person.

What's everyone else up to today?
Tell me! I'm genuinely interested!

TGIF

This has been the longest week of my life. Well, probably not of my life, but it felt like it dragged on and on and onnnnnnnnnnn.

Tonight some people from Justin's office are coming over for dinner and drinks. Our nanny is having Maddie at her house for a few hours while we entertain. I'm actually looking forward to the festivities. I used to work in this office when Justin was in grad. school and they are great people! I was busy this morning assembling a variety of Mexican dishes, cleaning house and trying to entertain my little one.

Does anyone out there watch "Little House on the Prairie" on tv or dvd/video? Since our cable downgrade, one of our afternoon pleasures has been 2:00 pm Little House on Hallmark Channel. I could watch it all day, everyday for the rest of my life and still never tire. Can you imagine being alive back then? What's the hardest job any of ya'll has had? I'm very interested.
My hardest job was probably during college--working summers in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area for a canoe outfitter. We worked 6 days a week, 12 hour days. There were no phones or tv or internet or anything like that. We were 55 miles from the nearest town, which wasn't saying much. I did that for 3 summers and the owners are now like my second parents. It was SO hard, but one of the most character shaping times of my life.

Ok, I should get back to things. Laura just got in trouble because Mr. Edwards was teaching her how to spit. How do you spit?

It's Monday and our babysitter called in sick and I don't mind. Madeline has been glued to my side all morning and I'm glad I can be here for her.



Last night I was trying to organize our home videos and figure out what was actually on what tapes and lable the cases and bla bla bla. It made me happy and sad to see how much our life/lives have changed in the last few years. Justin's graduate school commencement was on one of the tapes and though there was more footage of funny-looking people than of the actual commencement I forgot how proud I was of him for all that he accomplished on that day.



Then there were clips of Madeline and I in the hospital from when she was born and more footage from our time living in Minneapolis, when life was much more simple and we didn't have much of anything. Sometimes I wonder if having more money is worth all of the headache.

Anyway, my pity party has ended. I'm feeling loads better---my head has mostly cleared up and I'm on the mend. Thank you for your support and prayers! I'm so grateful to have such wonderful friends and an incredible church community. It's been overwhelming--in a good way. So I was way further in this post and Madeline was wrestling me with the laptop and slammed it shut and I lost a couple paragraphs and don't feel like retyping. I called Justin and asked if there was a way to change the settings so the computer doesn't auto-shutdown just from closing the latptop and he just laughed at me. I hate technology and he thinks I'm completely ridiculous.

If it were up to me, I'd be penpals with ya'll and we'd send REAL letters every few days through snail mail and I'd be happy as hell! Why don't people write letters anymore? Do any of you?

Has spring sprung where any of you live? Not here yet. As Mike said yesterday, maybe the groundhog died? It's not really an issue of seeing his shadow or not, he just crapped out and froze to death. When I checked the temp at mid-morning it was 16 degrees F. F is right!
I think Farenheit is german for a curse word about it being so cold. Whatever, that was lame.

Mr. Rogers is on and they are playing guitar to a lady in the land of make believe. Trolley is having problems going to sleep, so she's trying to help him. How nice.

Ooooohhh, it was Lady Elaine! She didn't knock on the tree before coming in and someone was upset. Ahhh, the trials and tribulations of life.

Why does my body hate me?

I spent nearly 6 weeks trying to get over pneumonia and was mostly well (aside from coughing once in a while), now I have a rotten head cold and some flu symptoms (low grade fever, achy, tired). My eyes feel like they are on fire--watery and burning. My nose won't stop running, but it's totally plugged up at the same time.

The temp outside has still been in the single digits and I'm feeling totally "cagey" (cabin fever, but more prison-like).

I'm somewhat prone to depression, but don't show it to most people. Times like these don't exactly help.

Our church is starting Life Transformation Groups and I'm curious to see how that will pan out. Justin has been in one for a couple months now and more than anything I find myself jealous of him because he gets to go out. Sad, I know. But try having a little human crying at your legs for no reason and your husband comes home from work and eats a meal you worked hard to prepare and doesn't say thanks until you prompt him to and then leaves right away to go to this group, leaving you sick and with the crying little human again.

Lord, help me to be supportive and selfless, instead of jealous and selfish.

We are doing some technology downgrading. With spring approaching and our family time being so limited, we find we waste (?) more time than we should on the internet and watching totally useless things on television. We've decided to get rid of our wireless internet and go down to the most basic cable package available.

Though we'll check on here occasionally, it won't be nearly as often as it was. If you need us, we'll still have a phone! To our favorite blogs: Justin still has internet at work and will relay my most favorites to me (you know who you are). Plus, some of you live just a hop skip and jump away...so come on over!

Take care ya'll, and don't be strangers!

Love, Justin & Stacey(and Maddie too I suppose)

I have some updating about the last few days, but I only have a minute to write.

The concert that Justin and I went to at the casino last night takes priority at this moment.

Air Supply was playing! I can only name a handful of songs, but since we live in the middle of nowhere entertainment is a commodity and my parents offered to take our daughter for the weekend....

I was trying to find some radical pictures of the Russells (Graham Russell and Russell Hitchock) when I found a blog entry someone had written last summer. It includes pictures and video and recaps our evening last night to a T! The only thing better was that we saw Russell Hitchock french kiss a woman in the crowd when they were going around singing and posing for pictures!

Totally awesome! PLEASE check this out!

p.s.
When I say "awesome" I don't really mean AWESOME! I mean awesome in a gaggy sort of way.

What in the heck?!

Around 7:30 this evening our clinic's phone number showed up on our caller ID. Strange, but I thought maybe Madeline's pediatrician was following up because of a call I placed earlier today (Maddie's broken out in some hive-like full body rash). It ended up being MY doctor. She asked how I was doing, then said she was calling to discuss my lab results from my physical last Friday. Everything appears ok, she had some modifications of my current vitamin supplement regimine/regime (?). Then she says, "by the way, when you were here, did we do a papsmear?"

HUH?

Somewhat caught off guard I respond, "well, I'm not sure if a papsmear is a routine part of a pelvic exam, but you were doing something in my business that I assumed was a papsmear."

She proceeds to say that she knew that and apparently she and the stand-in nurse who "roomed me" that day kept saying I did not have a papsmear and my "smear" seems to have grown legs or maybe already had something with legs in it and gone far away OR it might still be on it's way to Fargo, where the testing is done.

Awesome. Totally awesome.

After further discussion we agreed that she would have my name flagged in the computer system and if the "swab" was tracked down she'd let me know. If it wasn't, I'd need to go back to the clinic and have it redone, of course at no charge. Ya think?

What's even more interesting is the day I actually had the physical, I had to go back because the lab farcked up and misplaced/damaged my blood and had to totally redraw everything.

Am I on a screwy episode of Candid Camera? It's almost like I didn't even go that morning. Maybe I didn't?

Maybe God thinks I need to be inconvenienced some more and have ANOTHER pointless visit to the doctor.

Where the hell do I live????

Sunday night and husband and Madeline and I are being lazy, with the Oscars on in the background. Miley Cyrus just came out as a presenter. How in the heck does she get to do that?
I suppose she paid her way to the podium. Justin said that once she reaches puberty nobody will care about her. I don't care about her now.

Our home is still overrun with sickness. Madeline has pneumonia too now. She and I went to Wadena to stay with my parents last week. She and I have had to go back to the doctor repeatedly for antibioti changes and because we live in the middle of friggen nowhere the pharmacy (every pharmacy within 100 miles actually) is out of one of Madeline's prescriptions. How ridiculous is that?

I thought she was really improving but then today she barfed 2x at a baptism party and once more on the way home. Awesome.

Justin now says he is starting to feel ill. Tight chest and coughing and achey arms. I don't recall having achey arms....is achey ey or just achy? I think achy now that I look at it.

I'm starting to get really ticked because the cursor keeps relocating!!!! AHH!~ I'm all busy body typing and all of a sudden my words are up in the middle of paragraph one!
I'm even keeping my fat sausage-like thumbs off of the mousepad.

Go to bed.

I feel like I'm escorting my daughter through hell.

She has been coughing her heart out all weekend. These aren't just a kid with a cough coughs. She can't breathe, her eyes water, her face turns bright red, and eventually "stuff" comes out of her mouth and into our hands or on her person. Justin thought the stuff was clear, but after examining a fresh batch on the bed sheet an hour ago, it appears to be yellow/green/brown.
I think that's not good. She hasn't had any increase in body temp, unless you count rectal temp of 99. In my nonmedical degree, that's not actually an elevated temperature.

Justin has called the nurse line and every parent in Northern Minnesota is calling with the same issues. Soooooo, do I take her back to the doctor today? This cough is completely keeping her from her normal activities (she's 16 months--what the heck activities could she possibly be missing?) and TOTALLY keeping her from rest and any normal sleep. When I say HER I mean ALL OF US. I'm a baby kind of because I'm still not feeling 100 percent. While I feel TONS better than before, I have crazy coughing fits of non-breathing and the inhaler that I rec'd at one of my earlier visits that used to burn when I used it has now come in handy. I'm a bad mother. It's apparent that in taking care of my daughter when I was sick, I coughed alllllllll over her poor lil body and infected her.

I know that if an illness is viral there is nothing they can do for you. My question is: how exactly can they make that determination?? This viral shit is a wild wild beast! It scares me kind of.
I hate feeling this helpless.

Anyone have a spare bottle of baby antibiotics sitting around they could fax me?

My daughter makes a liar of me...again!

I had to take Madeline to the pediatrician today because of yucky cough and pulling at her ears and crying and all that cool stuff. As soon as I took her out of the Jeep at the clinic parking lot she looked like a ray of sunshine and never coughed once the entire time we were in the building. Doc examined her ears, throat, and lungs and everything looked perfect. Awesome.
Not that I wanted anything to be wrong with her, but I always feel like an idiot when I take her in for anything other than a simple check-up.

Husband was supposed to come along and help but more important things came up I guess. I'm feeling crummy today and a bit underappreciated and taken for granted (is there a difference between the two?)

Lord give me a patience with my daughter and husband....RIGHT NOW!

So, around Christmas time my brother was coming out of his part-time second job at a gym, which is next door to a beauty school or shop or something and saw 6 or 8 mannequin (Sp? i'm too lazy to look) heads in a dumpster. With Jesus' birthday around the corner and all, he rescued the lovely ladies and threw them in his trunk. My family plays spoons and dice for totally ridiculously stoooopid "gifts" and these heads are exactly perfect.

Before they ever made their way to a holiday celebration, my brother put his g/f's sunglasses and winter hat on "Debra" and set her on the landing of their townhome and scared the heck out of her. Then Debra spent the night in the bathroom waiting for my brother's early morning shower--another scare. After another few pranks in the freezer and the microwave she made her way up north to Christmas. She's been passed around and scared us all a few times.

When we went on our vacation at the beginning of January, I was a moron and got some braids at one of our stops in Mexico. As I was exiting, Justin had me pose for this picture with Debra's cousins. Neat, huh?

****************************************************************

So it's VD. I've never been all that big on VD. I'm a nerd that buys cards and crap for people for no apparent reason year round, so I don't feel all that compelled to do so on a day that everyone else in the universe is doing the same thing.
Some of it may have to do with the fact that I was single every VD until I was engaged to my now favorite husband.

Ack, ya know, I don't feel like writing about anything really. We have had a crappy couple days here. I suspect people are feeling a little tired of winter and they start complaining about every miserable thing they can think of and assume I care because I am getting paid and forced to listen to them. Truth be told, I often DO care and am a fantastic listener. I just can't stand drama and people who thrive on it.

I wish I had something smart and funny to end with. Husband and I are going out for a late dinner and will probably do some analyzation of the last few days. What did we learn? etc. etc.

I'd appreciate any and all motivational comments.

I'm guilty of feeling sorry for myself and thinking not very nice thoughts.
Mad and bitchy are words I would use to describe myself at the moment.
Why can't people just be perfect, like me? I say that somewhat sarcastically, but, sadly, not as much as I should.

My brother and I were discussing the other day, the horrible mentality curse we have. "If you want something done right, then you better do it yourself."
We were raised under expectations that weren't so ridiculous, just not the same as most people.

1. If you see something needs to be done, or know it will need to be eventually, DO IT; don't wait to be told to do so and do not wait and see if someone else will do it.

2. Don't halfass things you do. It reflects way too much on your character to sluff your way through life. Take pride in doing a job well done, even if you don't enjoy it.

3. If you say you're going to do something, you better do it. No exceptions.

4. Always tell the truth. Simple enough? Not as easy as you'd think.

5. Take care of your shit. This applies to a lot of things. When we were kids, it meant to take care of your toys. If we left our toys laying about or were careless with them--not cool. When we got our driver's license, my dad constantly lectured the importance of vehicle maintenance. "Checking your oil is the cheapest insurance you have!" This even applies to people believe it or not. Though my parents were tough sometimes, and didn't have a lot of money, we never doubted how much we were cared for. Our home was the most secure place in the neighborhood and still is. My mom was a badass mom and my dad was the strongest, best providing dad ever. I never felt scared or worried about anything.

Now I'm a grownup and at the moment feel like my parents did me a disservice in a way. Brother and I remarked at how often people disappoint us in just being themselves. We agree you can't hold it against them too much, but it hurts in a sad, nostalgic---yearning for familiarity kind of way.

I want my daughter to live by these guidelines (among others of course). I always thought everyone did, that they were common sense. That is the furthest thing from the truth.

Where did my parents go right and everyone else go wrong? Am I way off base and need to have my ass kicked off the high horse? Probably. If I could erase stuff then I wouldn't be so irritated and disappointed so often.

Most of the time this all doesn't bother me. In being so sick the last few weeks and seeing such slow improvement, unable to handle everything I usually take care of----it's become a bad, bad state of affairs in my head.

I want my mommy.

Up way too early--have been for a while, recovering from coughing fit. blah.

The snow has begun falling and I'm happy I don't have to go anywhere this weekend.

What are people's thoughts out there on infomercials? Do you ever watch them? Ever bought anything? Have some favorites? I'm doing a little research.

She's Like the Wind?

I'm getting ready to head for bed, but am wrapping up a few birthday greetings on myspace and whatnot. I have Law & Order: Criminal Intent on in the background and this commercial for the something Kennel Club just aired and has been on USA non-stop for the last few days.

Animals and I don't mix. I think they are germy and sheddy and yucky. I'll never understand these clubs and fancy shows for ugly-ass dogs that people think are totally beautiful. What hurts me the most is that they have taken Patrick Swayze's song "She's Like the Wind" as the music to this advertisement for the show. It shows long-hair dogs with their fur blowing in the wind and crying in slow-motion with this song playing.

I totally don't get it. I used to love that song but feel like Pat has entered a whole new level of desperation to allow his art to be sold to the dogs.

Why, Pat? Why did you do it?

Dickface

I know I said that my next post would be about the importance of RSVPing but something a little more pressing has taken place and I feel I should share.

This morning I was in the office and one of my college student tenants came in crying, with her mom along side her. They were wondering if I had any other apartments opening up soon because the girl has been having probs with current roommates. I explained current availability (lack thereof actually), and stood up in an attempt to usher them out of the office. The mom proceeds to tell me all about her daughter's issues and says that the current roommates have been calling her names and making her gain weight. I put my hand up and say, "listen, it's not that I don't care, but I kind of don't. These aren't dorms and I'm not an RA and while I'm sympathetic, there's nothing I can do."

The mom then forces the daughter to recount episodes of meanness and directs her to tell me the names the roommates have been calling her. The girl's face turns bright read as she begins to quietly say, "Well, they've been calling me dickface, and dickmouth, and dicklips."

My dead grandma. Dead babies. Burns all over my body. Cannibalism. Think of awful things so you don't laugh your ass of right in her face!!! It was the most difficult moment of maintaining composure I've ever had in my life.

Dickface? Are you seriously in my office with your MOM because someone called you dickface?

I simply closed my eyes and shook my head slowly in an attempt to show some type of disapproval, even though I felt like I should maybe high-five the people or something?! Or maybe I should have closely examined her face and said, "I have no idea where they got that idea! Your face, lips, and mouth look nothing like a dick!"

Dickface? Who says that anyway? I may have called my brother dickface when I was 10 years old...or maybe that was dickhead.

If someone walked up to me today and called me dickface I'd probably just say, "Hey, whassup?" and not think twice. Who the hell cares? I wish I had such a lame existence that my mom could come to bat for me because someone called me dicklips!

I called Justin afterwards and we got a good laugh out of it. Later I called the property manager down the street, Crystal, as one of her tenants might be moving in with the namecallers so I wondered if she had heard anything about the "situation" from anyone. She had and was saying she couldn't believe how nasty those kids were to that girl, calling her such horrible names. She was seriously disgusted. I was again forced into being disappointed to save face.

Am I super desensitized? I've been teased plenty in my life so maybe the prospect of being called dickmouth doesn't sound so bad?

I just called Justin at work and before I hung up I said, "I love you assface."

I don't think he'll want to move out as a result. I can't be sure though.

Folks, we have set a record!

I got some sleep!!!!!!
My previous post was rudely halted by my daughter. I think our babysitter didn't feed her yesterday morning because she was a bottomless pit when we got home and was chasing me around the apartment begging for crackers and shit.

Anyway, I went back to the doc yesterday and had some shit done and snot tested and x-rayed and didn't really find out too much. I got a prescrip for different cough medicine but when I got to the pharmacy to pick it up, they said it had been stopped being manufactured 2 weeks ago, then just stared at me.

Me: Ok, so you called my doctor to let her know then and she ordered something else?

Pharmacy Hag: Is that what you'd like us to do?

Me: Ummm, no, I think I'll just go back home and continue to be miserable enough that in another 24 hours I'll want to come and blow this place up!

Me (what I really said): Uhhhh, yeah! Did you really need my permission to go ahead and do that?

SO they call and she's with a patient so I wander the friggen pharmacy and end up with a basket full of $60 in crap I don't need but looked awesome, only to check back and have them say, "oh, we meant to page you! Oops. Your doctor is in with a patient so we had to leave a message and will have to wait for her to call."

Anyway, long story not as long: I got some new drugs around 5pmish and have been able to assume horizontal positioning! (When I was younger I could never remember the difference between vertical and horizontal, so I thought that whores are always horizontal! It totally works, I never screw it up anymore.)
Granted, it's 4:00 in the morning and I'm recovering from a fit, but I actually slept in a bed for several hours in a row!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took a dose at 9pm and went to bed with my daughter and we both passed out. I woke up an hour or 2 later to get a drink and take some over the counter stuff and Justin made me switch rooms. I cried because I miss my bed and hate the guest bed, but it's for the best right now. I went back to sleep and woke up at 1:30 to check and see what time it was and marvel at the fact that I had slept. Then at 3:30 I was choking and gagging and attacking but THRILLED at the time!

I took another teaspoon of the magical potion and a few saltines cuz the stuff makes me a little barfy. I'm sitting here excited to go back into the guest room and sleep for 3 more hours on the bed I hate. I really am happy!

Other personalities begin to surface when I'm severely sleep deprived. I'll happily put them to bed, hopefully for more than a few hours.

My husband will be thrilled.

An adult that is sick for an extended period of time without something like cancer just gets annoying, right? Friends and family have asked, "how are you feeling?"
My response has mostly been, "shitty, still awful."
Their response to my lack of optimism, "not better at all? You have to be getting better a little bit, aren't you?"
To this I say, "no."
"Well, I'm sure you must be feeling better than you were, so that's what counts!" Thanks mom!

I'm a terrible closer and ender of posts. I'm not used to writing without Maddie trying to climb all over me and banging on the keyboard.

Justin and I are trying to plan a 30th birthday surprise for our friend Katie and nobody is getting back to us about whether they can attend.

Next post: RSVP'ing. Do your friggen job!

WTF ever!

I haven't slept any solid sleep in weeks. This is not some crazy exaggeration like I'm prone to do. I, for reaaaalllz, have been sick over 3 weeks now and am getting "better" in the fact that I no longer have a fever and my cough has eased up during the day. It's the crazy nighttime, or laying down anytime I guess, that has caused me to second guess my desire to live.

I've been on antibiotics and prescription and over the counter cough syrup and an additional prescrip of lung-numbing pills. All of that combined does nada. I've tried sleeping with every pillow in the house surrounding me, sitting in the recliner, leaning against the arm of the couch, sitting at the kitchen table with pillows in front of me, sitting in boiling hot bathwater.
It seems like it might be ok, but 5 seconds after falling asleep I start "spazzing" like someone has been holding their hand over my mouth for 23 minutes.
Cough and choke and gag and on and on. I've gone through 2 bags of Ricola drops and am on Halls menthosomethings. Delsym, nyquil, dayquil, robitussin, mucinex, hot tea, hot water, vaporizer, boiling water on the stove, netti pot.

The one thing I haven't tried: enema. Sound crazy? I agree fully. BUT, last night as I was crying and watching Full House because I couldn't sleep, I decided to google my symptoms in a new way. What did I find? I either have cancer or should give myself some enemas.
For the first time in my life, cancer sounds attractive. In my searching I found a super awesome weblog and have been reading Justin excerpts from it over the phone this afternoon while he is on the road for work.

So, I got in to see my MD this morning and they did bloodwork and chest x-rays and an RSV test (shot stuff up my nose and sucked it out--not cool). Ugh....Madeline is standing at my leg scrrreaaaming right now. I'll finish later. Yeah right!

It's 1:00 in the morning and I am a little freaked out. I cannot stop coughing and have maxed out all of my over the counter and prescription medication options for the next 4 hours.
I keep having these "fits" and feel like I'm going to pass out.
Morning can't come fast enough.
I don't know what to do.
I'm trying to distract myself be watching Golden Girls and Google my symptoms. Neither are all that helpful.
Why didn't I choose a career or spouse in the medical field?

After a second trip to the doctor this week and finally seeing my regular MD I found out I have pneumonia. I want to die and hope that the oodles of drugs I am given are enough to get me back on the mend. The doctor said if I didn't see marked improvement by the end of the week to come back and I would probably be admitted to the hospital.
On the way out, Justin said, "that would suck ass if you had to the go the hospital!"
I was like, "yeah, for you. I would love to go to the hospital at this point."
We both chuckled and then he dropped me off at home with our wild and crazy 14 mth old daughter. She loves to let me rest and takes great care of me. Uhhhh, yeah right.
She seems naughtier since I've been sick.
Baby for sale! Good price!

I'm so rottenly sick. I am sore and tired from coughing nonstop. I should've tried to see a doctor yesterday instead of thinking I'd wait until Monday and see how I felt.

We're supposed to see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy tonight and dine with Rich and Carrie. Justin might be going stag. His mom swears by Mucinex, so he and Mads are at the drugstore picking some up.

Cross your fingers!

I got a letter on Friday that said my essay on breasts is being published! Yeahooo for boobies!

Justin pimped for one of the formal nights!

Stacey before sunburn!

Both of us on formal night #2

The Johnson's and Stacey enjoying some Jamaican Red Stripe!

A small sampling of cruise photos. It has been an extremely busy return home but some of you have been asking how our trip was and I promise I'm not avoiding you!

Dream of warm weather and know that the sun'll come out tomorrow (maybe).

Reality Check.

This is the perfect time of year to take a vacation. After the stress of the holidays and cold weather begin to overwhelm you, heading south is perfect! I got tons of sun, tried a few different cocktails, treated myself to some spa treatment and feel invigorated!

We were home for a few days and then had to leave town for some business stuff in St. Cloud. I think we'll take care of getting settled around home this weekend, in addition to a 3-year old's birthday party tomorrow afternoon.

I have been digging around for the usb cable to get the trip pictures off the camera and Justin seems to have strategically stashed it away from my techno-retarded hands. Maybe this weekend we'll have an update.

My baby is walking and I can't stop staring at her. It's amazing.