Today Justin said that I'm never happy with anything.
It felt like a slap in the face.
Part of me wishes he had done that instead.

I am so tired today I feel like I can barely function, but somehow was up later last night and earlier this morning with little struggle. Getting ready to go to Wadsville for the shower this weekend is more work than it's probably worth (no, I don't really mean that). It's just been such a hectic week that all I want to do is not see anyone or do anything.

Today is my last day of work in Shakopee and erection central wants me back full-time next week and THEN 3 days a week after that. While I was looking forward to a couple days of getting some stuff done around home next week the money will be nice and it's only 2 more days than I had planned. Next week isn't as jam-packed with stuff either--until childbirth class friday and saturday. Actually, now that I think of it, I think I have breastfeeding class on Tuesday night and Monday night my brother was going to come over....

There'll be plenty of time to sleep when I'm dead.

Ok, this is seriously a nutso day.
I ran home for lunch and just as I sat down to watch the Cosby's and eat my sandwich my mom called.
My cousin is pregnant with her 2nd illegitimate baby. Her first son just turned 4 I think and the daddy had been out of the picture for quite a while and now is back in Minnesota and apparently back in Jeanne's pants. To quote my grandma, "Doesn't show know how it happened the first time?"

Then there is my brother's response, "ARE YOU FRICKIN’ SERIOUS? How does Jeanne get pregnant more times in 4 years than I get laid! WHAT THE HELL!!!! CONDOMS!!!!!!! BIRTH CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s soooo much cheaper and easier than actually raising a kid!!! Lord!"

Oh so funny, but even more sad.

Then there was this friend that had a baby a year and a half ago and was engaged to be married this spring but they called the wedding off who just found out that this baby is not his. WOW! How do you make sense of that after 18mths of bonding with (and paying for) a kid you think is yours?

I'm glad my life isn't a talk show topic.

I just now realized that if I am 3 weeks further along, I could be having this baby in TWO weeks.

Oh MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

I miss my Bemidji doctor so much. If I weren't so far along in my pregnancy I would switch doctors at this new clinic. It just seems sort of pointless now. I've mostly resolved that I wouldn't use this guy again nor would I refer anyone to him.
I gained just over 4# since 2 weeks ago and after "discussing" that with him I felt like a failure. He kept saying that I shold only be gaining 1-1.5 lbs a week and that I was doing so well and now it's like I'm letting myself go. Excuse me! If I stuck with his average, I should have gained 2-3 lbs since my last visit and I gained 4. Do I suck that bad?
I was losing every visit for the first several months and then was staying the same and it's basically been just these 2 visits that I've gained anything. I felt like bawling because I was pretty freaked out after finding out I gained 5# at my last visit and really did make a concious effort to stick with eating at home and having lots of fresh fruits and vegs, my usual breakfast of kashi, fruit, and soy milk, snacks of apples and cucumbers and triscuits bla bla bla. Bastard.

THEN he pulls out some results from my ultrsound a couple weeks ago and says that the baby is measuring a fair amount larger than what my due date would suggest and that I could be 3 weeks further along than what he thought. He didn't seem concerned as the baby's heart rate and my blood pressure and everything are perfect; just that my weight gain is nutso I guess. So I scheduled a visit for 2 weeks and then once a week after that. Another ultrasound will also be ordered next time to see if they can more accurately gauge when this baby is going to make it's appearance.

I hate going to these appointments alone. I wish Justin's commute didn't have him quite so far away.

After I had one foot out of the clinic I collapsed into a pile of tears and sobbed my way to work.

This baby has NO idea what she's getting herself into.

Doctor again tomorrow so I get to come in to work a lil late. I worked full-time last week and this week for a company in Shakopee and it has caught up with me--I'm pooped. Plus we've been going nonstop for the last few weeks with family stuff and yadda yadda yadda. We are heading to Wadena after I get off work on Friday for baby shower on Saturday. Sunday we come back and are meeting with the woman I hope will be our doula.

Tonight my old friend, Rhiannon, is coming over for dinner. I haven't seen her in ages and it'll be great to give her a big hug.

Last night Justin and I did a ton of work around the apt and ended up going to bed not talking. He growled at me and I started crying. Tired + pregnancy hormones = no good. We are better today and laughing about it. He is participating in a men's group at our church that meets Tuesday mornings at 6:15. Today was the first day and he said it was a terrific way to start the day. I am so proud of him and it makes me feel good that he is spending time with other Christian men. He went to a men's group at our church in Bemidji a few times but said it was like attending a freak show and wouldn't go back.

My boobies started leaking the other day. This whole baby thing is really happening (like there was a doubt in my mind)! I'm almost a month away from my due date but have a feeling it's going to come early.

Old roommie Rick and his wife came over for dinner last Friday. It was nice to see them but sort of strange in a way I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe it has to do with baby or something. Not sure.

Saturday we had to take my godchild to his football game and then took him and his brother out for lunch. Their dad was busy helping set up for the benefit dinner for Ryan's cancer fundraiser deal in Hopkins. We went there for the evening and helped with that and visited with more friends we haven't seen for a long time. Stretch and Holly are due with baby around the same time we are, so it was fun to talk pregnancy with her.

Sunday we spent the day with my cousin Jayson and his wife and kids at their home in Rogers. They were fortunate to not have any damage to their home, however, their daycare provider's neighborhood 3 blocks away was a war zone. The police were checking vehicles as we entered the area and weren't going to let us in, but Jayson and Beth were in the vehicle in front of us and got them to let us through. Crrrrrazy!

I would give anything to have a day at home with my man where we don't have to go anywhere or see anyone or do anything. After this weekend in Wadena, the following weekend is childbirth classes. The weekend after that is my cousin's wedding back up North but we are 99% sure we are going to pass and stay home and finish up baby prep at home and get things winterized. The following weekend is another baby shower with Steinkopf family in Rogers and then the following weekend we are supposed to take my parents out for the night for my dad's birthday.

This baby needs to come NOW so I can have a break!

Almost time to go home for the day. Shutdown.