Maddie woke up yesterday terrified to get out of her bed because she thought there were clowns hiding in her window blinds that would get her. I carried her around to show her there was nothing hiding and she seemed ok. A little while later we were getting ready to leave for a play date and I told her to get her shoes on. She wouldn't budge from the couch. Again, she said the clowns were going to come out from the blinds and get her. I shared a verse from the Bible with her that helped me earlier in the day, to call on the name of the Lord and be safe. She didn't seem convinced. So I told her if she is ever scared she can just say, "Jesus, protect me!" and He will keep her safe.

She yelled, "Jesus, protect me!" and jumped down, ran to grab her shoes, and sprinted back to the couch, ultimately covering her eyes with her hands and asking if the clowns came out.

Last night, Justin took Maddie around our home and along with Maddie rebuked the clowns and commanded them to leave and said only God would remain with us.

It's all sort of amusing and sad at the same time. She has such a tender heart and I love that about her. However, she is afraid of so much. How do I truly speak God's security and safety into her?

God Loves Me Enough To Give Me A Nice Sweater!

This weekend I attended an Extraordinary Women's Conference in Raytown.  During one of Saturday's sessions, the speaker said, "Turn to the woman next to you and say 'Do you know how much God loves you?!'"
So, I turned to the stranger at my left, smiled, and said, "Do you know how much God loves you?"
To which she smiled and said to me, "You have a nice sweater."

Huh.  How 'bout that!

Sippy Cup: Weapon of Mass Destruction

Husband and I don't fight all that often.  Not that we have a perfect relationship or never disagree, but for the most part we get along pretty well.  The thing is that when we do fight, it can get pretty hot, and not in a good way.

Mostly I need to think about things and process them before hashing out a disagreement.  Justin wants to lay all the cards on the table and get stuff taken care of and be better--NOW.  This often leads to an exchange of words, me trying to walk away or just quietly stew or on this particularily crazy day--throw a full sippy cup at Justin's torso.

What's ridiculous (more ridiculous than throwing a full sippy cup at my husband?) is that I don't even remember what we were really fighting about!  But I do remember Justin saying he was going to leave (no, not LEAVE LEAVE, just leave our apt), and I wanted to know where he was going.  He flung me a big pile of my silence and started walking to the door, so, I grabbed the first thing I saw: Maddie's freshly filled sippy cup.

As soon as I hurled it across the apartment, I regretted it.  Even more when it hit him and he looked at me in complete horror, before opening the door and walking out.

Yes, I am a toddler.  No, I am not proud of my behavior and have received forgiveness.

Do we laugh about it now? Getting there.

Maddie keeps walking around yelling, "be quiet!  I'm trying to make memories!"

I wish she'd take her own advice.

As a side, I'm starting a health-related, faith-related blog.

I'll still keep this one and maybe post a little more often here since I'll be dedicated to continuing the other.

It's a Monday in July and I don't have to work. Could life be any better?

i feel like i am in jail

Here's a link to Jesse and Becky's wedding montage!

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My brother got married to his soulmate last weekend. It was touching to see the way he looked at his bride as she walked down the aisle to meet him. Definite cause for reflection and amazement at seeing my "little brother" in this new way. It was a mix of emotions that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Happiness for sure, because of this new adventure in his life, but also a little sad that now he has a wife and maybe won't have much need or time for me. Ridiculous, I know. It's not like she just emerged out of water the day before the wedding.

They have been dating for a few years and living together as well. So clearly if we spoke on the phone a gjillion times a week before Saturday, we still will, right? It has been a challenge not texting or calling him while he is on his honeymoon. My brother is one of my best friends and I love it! We laugh at the most inappropriate things and assume that we will have the best seats to the punishment corner in hell for doing so.

Anyway, my husband, daughter, and I were asked to be in the wedding and unfortunately because of finances husband and I had to decline and participate in other ways. Madeline was still a flower girl and I have to say, if I went into business making adorable children, I'd be a friggen zillionaire! Check out this perfect piece of pediatric artwork and tell me you don't want one of your very own for a simple $50,000!

(Madeline is the beautifule blonde in the middle!)

It's all I can trust anymore:

Jesus, lover of my soul.
Jesus, I will never let You go.
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon a rock, and now I know.

I love You, I need You.
Though my world may fall,
I'll never let You go.
My Savior, my closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.

         

It is tough not having internet connection at home.  We moved to Kansas in November and are pretty much as poor as poor can get, without being homeless or bankrupt...yet. haha.

I love living here.  I have despised winter my entire life and this milder climate is more my speed.  It does wonders for my mood and motivation!  However, our income dropped by 2/3, so we have scaled wayyy back.  No cable, internet, movies, dining out, shopping, etc. etc...anything that costs money.  

It is humbling and has strengthened my faith in immeasurable ways.  I do, however, feel extremely disconnected from the real world.  Once in a great while I can get an internet connection from the neighbor, if I'm sitting on our bed with the laptop.  I mostly feel guilty for doing that, so I should keep this short!

I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the important things in life!  I miss keeping up with all of you and look forward to being able to do so regularly when finances afford such luxuries!

Big hugz and whatnots from Kansas!