My Baby is 9 Months Old

I'm trying to mellow out this evening after a few long and hectic days. My in-laws are visiting from Kansas. Madeline was dedicated on Sunday at a beautiful lakeside service. It was very meaningful and we were pleased to have both sets of Madeline's grandparents and my 2 sisters there. The pastor that married Justin and I performed Maddy's dedication. It was a real reminder what a responsibility we have as Christian parents. Encouraging and protecting Madeline's identity as a child of God and helping her to become the woman He intends her to be is an amazing honor and tremendous realization that we can only do so with God's help. I'm way too human to do anything that fantastic.

Somewhat unrelated to any of that, I just read this article that made me feel a little more comfortable with my thoughts and unsettled feelings of being a woman/mother. It makes me want to get back into writing like I used to. I used to do a lot of things I don't do anymore. I supposed that's part of growing up?

The bridge collapse. I'm shocked and baffled at such a tragedy so close to home.

My mom called today and said cousin Ryan's brain cancer has returned, but spinal cancer is gone. He turns 17 years old on Friday. Not fair. Makes my moaning and groaning about identity and crap seem petty.

Justin and I took 2 of our elderly neighbor ladies to see the Michael Moore movie "Sicko" today while Justin's parents babysat Madeline. Interesting. Manipulative. Sad. Shocking. Beyond my scope of experience/comprehension.

Justin gets to go on an afternoon lake cruise with his co-workers tomorrow afternoon. I'm a little envious because most of the people in his office are our friends and my favorite people, as I used to work in the same office only a year ago. They may go out for more drinks afterwards, so it's possible I could participate in some socializing later tomorrow evening. Madeline and I are taking Ana out to lunch with Justin's parents tomorrow so they can meet her. It is her birthday today and she had didn't work. I need to "prepare" her for a few things before we go.

It's late and I should try to sleep while I can.

August 1, 2007

All of the cliche lines come to mind: "How time flies!" "Where does the time go?" yadda yadda yadda.

It has been a wacky week so far and all I want to do is go to sleep on this gloomy and rainy day.

Madeline is sitting her booster seat, throwing Cheerios on the floor, and watching Sesame Street between cries to be free from the confines of her tray. I haven't really slept in a few days. She's been teething and running a temp the last couple days and is frequently inconsolable. Work is super busy but I haven't been able to do any of it. Yesterday our nanny was taking Maddy out to meet a friend for lunch (a friend of Ana's, not Maddy's). After she put Madeline in the car she passed out and hit her head (hard) on her car door. When she came to (I think just a moment later), she managed to carry Madeline back to our home and find me. Ana was a mess and her head looked horrible. We loaded her up and went to the emergency room. It ends up she was dehydrated and because of the high heat index lately it was all too much for her. She was given a few liters of fluid and will be back here today (as far as I know).

I'd really like to hear from other mom's out there. Am I the only one struggling with identity? Have other women experienced this? It seems the only parts of me that matter are my boobs (for nursing Madeline) and my vagina (duh). I'm not sure how to explain all of this, especially with a whining baby next to me. I can never have a complete thought anymore.

Ok, Madeline, you win again.

Lillich out.