I'm guilty of feeling sorry for myself and thinking not very nice thoughts.
Mad and bitchy are words I would use to describe myself at the moment.
Why can't people just be perfect, like me? I say that somewhat sarcastically, but, sadly, not as much as I should.

My brother and I were discussing the other day, the horrible mentality curse we have. "If you want something done right, then you better do it yourself."
We were raised under expectations that weren't so ridiculous, just not the same as most people.

1. If you see something needs to be done, or know it will need to be eventually, DO IT; don't wait to be told to do so and do not wait and see if someone else will do it.

2. Don't halfass things you do. It reflects way too much on your character to sluff your way through life. Take pride in doing a job well done, even if you don't enjoy it.

3. If you say you're going to do something, you better do it. No exceptions.

4. Always tell the truth. Simple enough? Not as easy as you'd think.

5. Take care of your shit. This applies to a lot of things. When we were kids, it meant to take care of your toys. If we left our toys laying about or were careless with them--not cool. When we got our driver's license, my dad constantly lectured the importance of vehicle maintenance. "Checking your oil is the cheapest insurance you have!" This even applies to people believe it or not. Though my parents were tough sometimes, and didn't have a lot of money, we never doubted how much we were cared for. Our home was the most secure place in the neighborhood and still is. My mom was a badass mom and my dad was the strongest, best providing dad ever. I never felt scared or worried about anything.

Now I'm a grownup and at the moment feel like my parents did me a disservice in a way. Brother and I remarked at how often people disappoint us in just being themselves. We agree you can't hold it against them too much, but it hurts in a sad, nostalgic---yearning for familiarity kind of way.

I want my daughter to live by these guidelines (among others of course). I always thought everyone did, that they were common sense. That is the furthest thing from the truth.

Where did my parents go right and everyone else go wrong? Am I way off base and need to have my ass kicked off the high horse? Probably. If I could erase stuff then I wouldn't be so irritated and disappointed so often.

Most of the time this all doesn't bother me. In being so sick the last few weeks and seeing such slow improvement, unable to handle everything I usually take care of----it's become a bad, bad state of affairs in my head.

I want my mommy.